DearDiary Logo
Public DiariesHomeLogin

Salamander
Fire Walking

The Charity of Night
Tue Nov 04 2003

Bruce Cockburn on the CD player, pacing the cage. The Socialist makes a point of pronouncing the "ck" in "Cockburn" (it's properly pronounced Coe-burn). He does it just to annoy me. I suppose I'm cute when I'm annoyed. Never-the-less, I tend to play Cockburn's music when the Socialist is out teaching, just to avoid getting my buttons punched.

Another check-up at Big City Hospital today. It was entirely perfunctory. I feel like a component on a conveyer line. Front desk, wait, phlebotomist, wait, blood pressure and temperature, wait, get called to an exam room, wait, see the doctor go for an all time check-up record, and finally get ejected to the waiting line where they collect your co-pay and arrange for you to do it all over again at some future date. I understand that this is because I'm doing so well - that there's sick people in there that need the doctor's time far more than I do.

And yet I still resent it. I want to scream sometimes, "I'm sick! I've had a major operation. I've had a transplant! Pay attention to me!" Ironic that I should want to cling to being sick, when they've gone and healed me.

Then afterward, I had my first post-transplant visit to the dentist. In a word, ugh. I've been bad. The entire time I was in the hospital I failed to take care of my teeth, and when I was first home I was sketchy at best with the brush and floss routine. As I started feeling better, I got back into the routine, but the damage had been done, and I needed more attention than I usually do. I was a bit of a celebrity at the dental office, which salved my damaged I-want-attention-from-a-doctor ego a bit. I'm not their first transplant patient by a long stretch, but I'm their first liver transplant patient.

My intention was then to go home and vote. There's an important question on the ballot for our state that, if it passes, will make it possible for children to testify by video tape instead of having to go into a court room in front of the person who may have abused them. It's been a bit controversial, but I feel it is just and necessary to protect these children from further harm. To my shame, I didn't make it to the polls however. If the proposed amendments aren't passed, I'm going to feel sick at myself. It'll be the fault of people like me if they fail to pass.

I have two large red welts on my arm, on either side of where they took blood today. Wonderful. I've apparently developed an allergy to the Band-Aids.

My, we are in a pissy mood tonight, aren't we?

*sigh* The Socialist just came in and caught me listening to the Cockburn CD. At least he got creative this time ... it wasn't the usual name abuse, but a whole new epithet he's invented.

Why do I bother?

9 Comments
  • From:
    Shay4l (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    WHy, oh why, does he show his affection that way? :o)~
  • From:
    Renewal (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    So did the Socialist ever get his flu shot and if so, how did he handle the needle?
  • From:
    Allimom (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    Going home to vote is always the best part of my day. I vote we go out to dinner and get chocolate ice cream!
    ;^P
    Alli
  • From:
    TraumaMama (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    There's nothing wrong with feeling pissy once in a while. I have been feeling the same way lately too.
    I just did the dentist thing last week, ugh. I good for 6 more months. I was getting lazy with the flossing but I still got through the ordeal in less than 30 minutes.
    Tomorrow is another day!
  • From:
    BillyTeabags (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    The only song I know from Bruce Cockburn is that "If I had a Rocket launcher". I remember singing that while sitting in philosophy class.
    Wait a minute, didn't the Bare Naked Ladies cover one of his tunes? (the worst band ever, by the way. They've just come out with a new album apparently. I'd kind of hoped they'd disbanded.)
  • From:
    Arielswing (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    it's shameful but i didn't go to the polls either...but i'm hearing it was rough out there, a few people were assaulted!

  • From:
    Thubten (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    I note that you have a reaction at "wanting to be sick"...well, I think I understand how you feel. After I had an operation to remove cancer I had to go through some sort of adjustment mentally. The cancer was there one minute and gone the next. It took me a while to catch up with that.
    But as for the lack of bedside manner...ooh, I reckon you deserve some recognition for having a liver transplant. How dare they!
    Even years later I appreciate the comments doctors and nurses give me when I have a check-up. e.g. "Wow, you've had a bit of a battle." or "So how are you feeling these days?" It's just nice to be treated like a person instead of a number.
    You're doing really well!!!!
    Love and (((hugs))) from Thubten
  • From:
    StrangeBrew (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    Pali, do you feel your life reflects that of a lab rat?
    =p
  • From:
    Toverfee (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Nov 05 2003
    My mum likes Clint Eastwood and my dad always pronunces it something like Eistwood. He has to do it on purpose because Mum has corrected him so many times. Whenever there's a film on that has Eastwood on it, sure as heck my dad will have to say the name and pronunce it wrong. It really drives my mum nuts :D.