Salamander
Fire Walking

When my alarm clock went off this morning, the Professor had already been up for several hours, grading finals. It's unusual for him to be awake, alert and well rested when I get up. We talked for a bit, and, as I was getting ready to leave for work he gave me a hug and said "I love you. Forever." I hugged him, and told him not to promise things he couldn't be sure of. I told him I wouldn't have him foreswear himself because he wanted to please me by saying something he thought I wanted to hear. I think I hurt his feelings, but there wasn't time to stay and talk further - I was already late.

He's a good man, and I love him dearly. But he's young, he's inexperienced, and he is idealistic. He hasn't learned, like I have, that love can evaporate, leaving behind only the sticky residue of regrets. There are times I think I did him no favor by letting him move out East.

That's not fair. I shouldn't include "young" in the equation. He's smart and he's got far more world experience than I have, in spite of the age gap. He just doesn't have experience with relationships. Things have been rushed enough between us. I don't want him promising forever until I'm convinced he knows what that means.

And, to be honest, I'm not sure I'm going to ever be able to promise forever again. Like I said, I've seen how love can evaporate. I told him that up front, before he ever crossed that 3000 mile distance. I just hope he hasn't convinced himself that we never had that conversation.