1. The Two Flush Rule: When in a public bathroom, and the first flush turns out to be incomplete, flush again. Your adoring public does not adore all you produce. (This is a good idea in your private bathroom as well, but since that doesn't offend me, I'll leave that one slide.)
2. The One-Upmanship Rule: If I'm having a bad day, I don't want to hear about how much worse your day is. I happen to know exactly how bad my day has been, and therefore I know that your day could not possibly be worse.
3. The Purchasing Department Rule: The stuff you've been buying for me from that one store is crap. You have promised to stop buying stock from that store on multiple occasions. You continue to purchase from that store, justifying it with reasons that are more creative than Michelangelo at his finest. There is no twelve-step program to end stupid purchases. There's no nicotine-patch that eases bad purchase cravings. There is only one method to stop buying shitty products, and that is to stop buying shitty products.
4. The End of Day Catastrophe Rules: If you find out about a problem 9:30 a.m., do NOT do the following:
· Wait until 5:15 p.m. to tell me about it, as you are on your way out the door.
· Give me incomplete information to work with after you jump ship.
· Give me inaccurate information to work with after you jump ship.
· Come in the next day at 7:30 (when I got here at 6:00 to deal with your mess).
· Go to the Big Boss and give him the complete and accurate story without telling me first.
· Try to take over my job because I've made a botch of things when you were the fragging idiot who made the original mistake to begin with.
5. The Safe Driving Rule: If you are ahead of me when I'm pulling out of the parking lot this evening, get the hell out of my way. This is for your own safety.
6. The Christmas Cheer Rule: Unless you want a radio suppository, TURN OFF THE DAMNED CHIRSTMAS CAROLS!