I went out and bought a couple of filets, baked a couple of potatoes, made some salads. I also purchased a bottle of Remy Martin for myself - an expensive vice that I have not indulged in since before everything happened five years ago. I munched on some purple seedless grapes until The Prof got home at about 9:30, and had some wine, and was perfectly content with my computer and my cats for company. It turned out to be a very nice evening for me.

(By the way, anybody know what the correct white wine is to use when making kir? I have the creme de cassis, but don't know what to mix it with.)

ADM asks if I'm a better person because I've had the experience of being so sick. I'm honestly not sure. I'm a different person than I would have been otherwise, I know that. I'm less apt to suffer fools gladly than I once was. I have had my convictions tested, and they weren't found wanting, so I suppose I could say I'm more settled in my beliefs. (Whether someone else sees this as a good thing or not I'm not sure, since my beliefs are not predicated upon the existence of a Superior Being.) I can't say I appreciate day-to-day experience more than I did before, but I do now have moments of reflection and introspection that are deeper than previously. Since these moments bring self-doubt as well as epiphany, I'd hesitate to call this a "good" change.

What I went through didn't require any particular courage. It is very easy to lie in a hospital bed and let everybody else worry about you. It's actually very liberating, because it's one of the few times in your life that you can do no wrong. Everything is out of your hands. The hardest day I had while hospitalized was not the first day I was there, but rather the last day there. I was going from a world where my every breath and heartbeat was being monitored and where personnel trained to save my life could be at my side at a moment's notice to a world where I'd have to be self-sufficient again. I suppose the most courageous thing I did was watch my husband go to work my first day home, and spend nine hours by myself. And even that decision was out of my hands - he had to go to work, so I had to learn to live autonomously again.

So, long answer to a short question by ADM: Is Salamander a better person for all this? I don't think so. I just ended up on a different path, not a better (or worse) one. I suppose that's a shame in a way, but since I mostly liked myself before(at least, on good days) and since I still mostly like myself (again, with the same caveat), I at least haven't lost any ground.