Good morning and happy Sabbath. Please watch over my friends and neighbors, and the Janesville area. I know I have no control of other people’s choices and what lays ahead. What we choose at times can cause an action or reaction we do not expect at times. I have made many choices that have had been not the best of choices. I need to rely on you more than I have most recently. I won’t be returning to church for a while yet. It’s not that I am not ready, but the friend who could take me to church has not even asked. The fact is that I have kept my distance from her lately and have spoken to her three times in the past three or four months, and it can be longer. I have been dealing with more anxiety lately that I have memory lapses. Time has no speed when anxiety comes. The memory lapses scare me.
My dearest Jesus, I what to thank you for being my Savior and Lord. I know you have special plans for me. I heard you say so with Satan/Lucifer wanting to interfere. Your voice was calm and pleasant, a voice I never heard before. Satan’s voice was calm, too, but the tone was different as if he was trying to intimidate me. Satan is very good at that.
What can I do to stop Satan from attacking me? Will you please help me find a way to be strong to get behind me Satan as Jesus is my savior and Lord? His attacks on me are harming me and scaring me. I know I need to talk to you more and pray without ceasing, I know I have been through a lot in my 53 years this far in life, I do not understand some things that matter to me. What matters to me is family togetherness but my family is broken and not everyone speaks to one another. I understand that adult children leave the home eventually and develop friendships and families of their own to make the family larger. Death, thanks to Adam and Eve sinning and being kicked out of the Garden of Eden because Satan deceived Eve about the tree of life. Sometimes, as observant as I am, have seen and heard things that have caused the family, my family, to stop communicating in good ways. I hear it every time my parents, Dad and his wife come.
My Dad and his wife hurt me when they bring up the past. This last visor they told me why I was kicked out of the house, and it was because I was dropping my pills the floor and my sister was finding them and putting them in her mouth. That happened so long ago. Now, my sister is in her 30s! Why do my parents always want to bring up my faults? I do not have a backbone nor a thick skin. I am sensitive, very sensitive as I wear my heart on my sleeve, but this past year and last six months of 2022 has changed me. I have lost my happiness and had a difficult time accepting my life what it is now. I am growing accustomed to my life as I am beginning to have a life again—although different now—but the happiness factor is hidden somewhere right now. I have to find it again, but I believe that certain people in my life are preventing me from my happiness right now. I do not have control of my life at this time. I do not like to be forced to be among other people and their conversations. I would rather be home and watch TV, read, and play games on my tablet or phone. I have already been to a Tupperware party when I did not want to be there. My caregiver was trying to get me more involved and have a life, though. She meant well, but you cannot force me. I am not comfortable with it.
I have my concerns and fears as well, but I will wait until later talk to you about my concerns and fears.
Lovingly,
Kristi