Ksmiley/LittleKrissi
My Garden Court Journal

I really do not want to write anythinig right now. This day has been nothing but tears, crying, frustration, and heart ache. Rick is still trying to destory what friendships I have with some people and now he has gotten a church member in the middle of his problem to the point that I could not even tell this church member anything on my side of the problem. Rick is nothing but a jerk and pain in the ______! (swear word, yes) I am sick and tired of Rick's behavior and yes, his immaturity is getting to me and I CAN NOT go on with my life at the same church because I no longer trust the members of the church I go to. I am sick and tired of people and their behavior. I do not know what to think anymoore except let the stupid tears flow down my cheeks today and for as long as they need to flow. Rick is such a ______! swear word, yes) I am upset indeed. I do not trust anyone here anymore it seems! Rick needs help and he surely is causing hell for me and my friends. I wish he would leave me alone! He is such a bastard! NOW I SAID IT! Why can I not go on with my life without a man in it to have in my life? Men! A lot of you are horrible men who need to grow up.

I do not feel like a Christian woman right now, no. The one church member who heard Rick's side of the story and did not hear mine told me that it was not Christiain of me or even Biblical of me to call the cops on my ex-boyfriend because he was only trying to get a hold of me regarding something of the Pastor who just retired. I had asked Rick NOT to call me anymore and he calls me on my cell phone and leaves a message that was threatening to me when he said that he knows that I am not going to church that Saturday morning because I knew that he was going to be there and that I have to face my fears one day or another. I found it threatening even though the police found it mild compared to most threats they have heard after squabbles like Rick's and mine. Rick is such a BASTARD! YES I AM VERY UPSET!

The church I go to is now a church I went to. I am no longer going to set foot in that very church and I will go elsewhere or have my church at home alone with GOd myself. I will not trust the church members of the church I went to for a long time until they see what kind of person Rick really is...a malicious, manipulative, possessive, nasty jerk of a man who is thity-six and more immature than I was using language as I did in this entry tonight.

NO I did not sleep well last night and I do feel tired and CAN NOT sleep now once again but despite HOW I feel, I AM going to school and do my best.