One of the hardest things for me to do sometimes is to express my thoughts and feelings at the same time. One of the feelings I am dealing with right now is a hurt. This past weekend has proven to me how hurt I can really get when it comes to friends being hurt by another friend. I do not understnd why people can be so mean and nasty one minute and then be nice the next. I have learned what true friends do for friends and what friends should not be doing to other friends. Yes, I iam hurting inside right now and believe me it is all because of a friend hurting my friends very badly and I was also put into the equation. I have realized who my true friends are and who are not my friends this past weekend and beieve me...I no longer can trust a certain someone who I considered a friend. A friend would not hurt another friend's feelings like this guy did. What I do not get is the fact that this friend has apologized to four of my friends but hasn't had the decency to call apologize to me for what he has saud about me behind my back. Teasing me about my body odor is hurtful yes, and believe me I am mad and wanting to scream and soay a few choice words to this guy who I once considered a friend, but after what I have learned of what he has done to my friends and myself, he is not a friend indeed nd my feelings for him have really gone down the tubes. I will forgive this guy for saying and doing what he has done to me and my friends but I will not forget what he has said and done. Because of what has happened over the weekend, I can no longer even think of speaking to this guy or eevn having any kind of association with him. He has every right to be afraid of me right now and it will take time for me to cool down and feel good about myself again. He has told my friends he will call me but he has not even bothered to do so yet and believe me, I am not holding my breath for his phone call. I really dislike what this guy has done and said. Why do people have to be so mean, cruel, nasty, nice, and happy at the same time. I do not know why I wamt to say this, "I hope he rots in his own persona; hell alone and realize that what he has done and said will give him no gain in anything in his life." This guy is so lazy and does not have any room in criticisiing and being so mean to friends whatsoever. I do know that this guy will be answering to God one day and I know that it is not going to be a happy timie being judged by God for any action said or done by everyone who goes to heaven one day.

I feel I have ranted and raved on a very touchy subject and may have gotten a little confused and lost in my thoughts from time to time. My world right now is cluttered with a lot of things right now and believe me when I say I do not have any time to be down in the dumps hurting so badly in my heart. I need to concentrate on my schoolwork, my friends, my apartment, and the entire world around me. I do not have time to be depression and sad believe me I have a lot going or me right now and it will continue. I can not afford to have to sleepless nights, sleeping during the day all day long, and emotional problems that can drive me insane from time to time. I do not noeed my emotions being so mixed up and playing their major roles in my world of happines. I can not allow my emotions to be going up and down every minute. My heart can not take it. I have had so much hurt in my life as it is. Growing up was not easy for me at all. People can be so mean and nasty and prove to others how wonderful they really can be at times and this one guy has proven to me that he can not trusted and right now my respect for him is gone. I do not know what else to say right now, really. I am still healing from the hurt I have felt for the past few days, and I am mad indeed.