My world at the moment is I am watching an episode of Two and Half Men that was recorded on Monday, November 14th, the other day, because I wanted to see what it was like with Kutcher on the show. I knew that Charlie Sheen was not going to be on at this time this season but I sure do miss him now. I still can not really get back to sleep. It is going to be a long day and maybe a long rest of the week unless I get some more sleep before Friday. Not worried really but I am feeling different emotionally ... pissed and not sure what is going on in my head - confused, scared, and in my world. lost in a place where I wish that one particular person would just stop being the way she is - strange and thinking that she has to erase her past life and be mean about it. Sick!!! Here I am seeing changes in this person and now I come to find out that she is being mean to another friend of mine/hers that even scares me more than ever. Scary and unsure what is really happening. I was sure, totally, that what I was seeing was not being seen by others was ever going to happen. CSE has really shown a side of her that is a someone to stay away from. I hope she does get help but being friends with her ever again will not happen again. I have washed my hands of her for good. She is a nasty piece of work!!
I CANNOT understand why I am so angry and pissed, frustrated, hurt, and wishing CSE did not ever exist. I hate her and the person she has become - strange and weird and someone people fear. Yes, I fear CSE more now than I ever was before two weeks ago. I will not have her here anymore, call her, or will I ask for help from her anymore. I can not understand why I hate her so much more than before - before yesterday - and I began to really hate CSE over a month ago before NMS even told me she understood where I was coming from and how I have been feeling. AARGG!! See... I am confused!!!