August turned up with a gift...tiny feet&fingers, teeny-tiny face and a mountain of emotions...feet-fingers-and-face belongs to a little girl we have welcomed to the World - my first granddaughter...the emotions - obviously - all to new parents and a nana to experience...she is two weeks old now and every day brings a new development...that's how the growing goes, isn't it...new day - new things to be amazed with...new life takes hold of us and ours are never the same, as we knew it...

Now, being a nana hasn't really sunk in too deep yet...I'm also of unconventional variety. I don't bake, I don't knit, I diy, travel and I dance around...really, that's all this nana can bring to the table...(my relatives joke: poor little girl, she might learn to plaster the walls and to swirl on a dance floor before she'll learn to talk!) Luckily for me, my son's family still want to enjoy their little bundle of joy all by themselves, so I'm not getting involved too much...yet...everybody are so "kind" to say this word - "yet"...so, I suppose, I'd better get used to the idea...

Anyways, the other outcome of the historical life event is a new wave of sentiments about my own family...parents, who are sadly gone already and suddenly a new wave of missing them overwhelmed me somewhat unexpectedly. I think of them more often these days...and miss them more...again...just when you'd think, you got used to the state of things...gives you that awkward sense of being a "matriarch" of the tribe...officially the Elder of My Family...perspectives are changed now and in some way, the quiet acceptance of inevitable settled in...not saying it is sadness...but neither it's a joy...I can't really explain it clearly...

The kids (wait, they are no longer official "kids" are they?! their little daughter is now - a "kid in a family"! and suddenly my son has become a "middle generation") anyway, what I was saying...they have now completed all the prerequisites that circled them into their very own mini-family...and somehow that made me feel like I'm have been left to my own devices...not responsible for anything or anyone but self...a somewhat awkward feeling, to be honest...I have days, especially evenings, when I feel unsettled just by mere fact that I don't have to do or even to think of anything or anyone else...just me and my self...weird and somewhat uncomfortable at this point...perhaps, it's all - part of transitional process...when we get to reclaim our own life back...but I haven't had it for so long, I forgot how to "just live"...

never mind, obviously, I am not the first one, nor the last one to go through "old people puberty"...or whatever it called. Just need to find myself. Again. And find that magic peace with the idea that my life belongs to me...again...how weird is that...

So, here we are, back in DDLand, offloading that what niggles my mind...a cleansing exercise...a pre-beginning of something, I don't know what yet, but here I am, making space for it...And so here is - to a new chapter...