There is little point in sitting behind the distorted mirror, hoping that somehow all will get sorted itself and the blurred images you’re facing by miracle will become bright and clear…is there such thing as clear understanding of what’s going on around? Do we always have a perfect vision of all the consequences of our own actions? Of course we don’t, otherwise how come we make mistakes?...and how come we let them to take the best of us and plunge us into another dimensions where we feel safe and numb and free of any responsibility we might’ve have for our actions…it is easy to hide and hope that we all get somewhere sometime…somehow…but at some point you have to stand up and face the reality you’ve got yourself propelled into. Am I a coward because I am procrastinating?
What is a life if not an endless awaiting for something…anything…to be? If you expect something, it will happen eventually…to hide such thoughts from your own mind is ineffective and you will certainly return to the root of them sooner or later. A bit like a dental issue: if you know you’ve got a cavity to fill, postponing pain won’t help reduce her. As much as you don’t want to, you have to get it done and have to pay the price for a visit to the dentist's. And if you put it off for long enough, you might end up loosing the tooth…and what a picture that would make of a toothless face?! and can a dream have a face anyway? and what do I want from mine? We all have our insecurities. Many ways to deal with them…you can avoid the places where they can be noticed, or you can push them up front and publicly beat up unmercifully…hmmm…slightly cruel that was, wasn’t it? What do you do with your insecurities? I have a whole set of such…and the one that is the biggest of them all…so, perhaps, it’s time to face her…
Easter weekend was blurred into one smeared stroke of paint…things happened one by one, all in their turn as if life was just going on…and she was, all as expected…why would it be any different, anyway?
The Kid visited. A rare sunshine in my skies. Made me happy and made me sad. Despite of us discussing the idea before not once, he still went on and bought a motorbike. And I’m a cool mom. I congratulate, I support, I “ahhh” and “awww” at his new toy…I even risk to climb the damn thing and smile to the camera. I am a cool mom after all.
And Glastonbury…the Land Where Fairies Live…I think, I wrote not once about this place already. It is slightly far away from where we live, but worth a visit…and on this April's day the unspoiled by tourists grounds of the ancient abbey and quiet gardens of the Chalice Well brought peace and energy to those who looked for it…
Too many days of break from office business…just one was given to pay the house dues…more then enough…haven’t planned big projects on improvement…just cleared up the garden, weeded flowerbeds (those weeds always seem to be the stronger survivors then the “legal” plants! And in a perfect world I would have garden made of stones and nothing else!)
Last day was lost to the spirits…in very alcoholic sense. We spend all afternoon in the next door’s garden, opening the barbeque season, since the weather allowed for such. Sometimes it does feel good to loose the sense of reality on the bottom of a glass and in the fog of barbequed smoke…saves from unuseful thoughts and wanderings…as well as gets you into bed early then usual (which is always a nice thing before the beginning of a working week)
And so…here we are…at the doorstep of yet another season…knock and help yourself in…or see yourself through and out before you manage one little step…or one big leap…
What is a life if not an endless awaiting for something…anything…to be? If you expect something, it will happen eventually…to hide such thoughts from your own mind is ineffective and you will certainly return to the root of them sooner or later. A bit like a dental issue: if you know you’ve got a cavity to fill, postponing pain won’t help reduce her. As much as you don’t want to, you have to get it done and have to pay the price for a visit to the dentist's. And if you put it off for long enough, you might end up loosing the tooth…and what a picture that would make of a toothless face?! and can a dream have a face anyway? and what do I want from mine? We all have our insecurities. Many ways to deal with them…you can avoid the places where they can be noticed, or you can push them up front and publicly beat up unmercifully…hmmm…slightly cruel that was, wasn’t it? What do you do with your insecurities? I have a whole set of such…and the one that is the biggest of them all…so, perhaps, it’s time to face her…
Easter weekend was blurred into one smeared stroke of paint…things happened one by one, all in their turn as if life was just going on…and she was, all as expected…why would it be any different, anyway?
The Kid visited. A rare sunshine in my skies. Made me happy and made me sad. Despite of us discussing the idea before not once, he still went on and bought a motorbike. And I’m a cool mom. I congratulate, I support, I “ahhh” and “awww” at his new toy…I even risk to climb the damn thing and smile to the camera. I am a cool mom after all.
I know he is a careful driver. But I also know how many idiots are out there on the roads...and the motorbikes just don't appear to me as the safest means of transportation...But he doesn’t have to know how my heart sinks when I imagine him in the traffic…and he doesn’t have to hear my whispers “please be safe”…because I am a cool mom…[*sigh*]
Another day we went to Stonehenge and Glastonbury. It suddenly occurred to me that despite of visiting Stonehenge at least once every year, I haven’t done this at daylight. We always go for the summer solstice, when the stones are opened for the public access. We would spend a night and meet the sun in the morning…I forgot how still the same mystical the Stonehenge is in a day light as it is under the stars…
And Glastonbury…the Land Where Fairies Live…I think, I wrote not once about this place already. It is slightly far away from where we live, but worth a visit…and on this April's day the unspoiled by tourists grounds of the ancient abbey and quiet gardens of the Chalice Well brought peace and energy to those who looked for it…
Too many days of break from office business…just one was given to pay the house dues…more then enough…haven’t planned big projects on improvement…just cleared up the garden, weeded flowerbeds (those weeds always seem to be the stronger survivors then the “legal” plants! And in a perfect world I would have garden made of stones and nothing else!)
Last day was lost to the spirits…in very alcoholic sense. We spend all afternoon in the next door’s garden, opening the barbeque season, since the weather allowed for such. Sometimes it does feel good to loose the sense of reality on the bottom of a glass and in the fog of barbequed smoke…saves from unuseful thoughts and wanderings…as well as gets you into bed early then usual (which is always a nice thing before the beginning of a working week)
And so…here we are…at the doorstep of yet another season…knock and help yourself in…or see yourself through and out before you manage one little step…or one big leap…