I not sure how I feel…helpless…hopeless…broken down emotionally…indifferent or bitter...so much has been invested into this almost year of fighting for the basic right to give my parents the care they deserved. I’m not talking about money, although the application fees and all accumulated costs of translations of all the documents in support of the appeal sums up to significant 4 digits figures so far…the legal system is not cheap in this country. Since last October I’ve been learning all possible law articles, investigating all related external sources, learning how to talk legal language…and stress…of huge responsibility and a sharp sense of failing it…needless to say this constant worry affected my life considerably since last summer.
I can, of course, blame everything…blame the politics for making the immigration issue hot topic for election campaign. Blame the British for their screwed moral values where it is normal to leave one’s parents to face their fragile age on their own. I can blame the system for making it easy to slip through the border if you are a criminal in your country of origin asking for asylum with all the benefits attached to the status, and making it impossible if you just ask for your human right to be united with your family, legally and for no additional costs to the State. I can even blame my ex for leaving me in a situation when the country I call home now tells me to go back where I came from as there is nothing to keep me here anymore…you did well and thank you for your contribution, but the only right you’ve got here is the right to pay your taxes, now get the fuck out… I can find million reasons to blame the unfortunate set of circumstances that all conspire to force me out of my comfort zone just when I have finally found it back and was about to take a breath and relax…I can blame as much as I want, but there is no point, it is all outside my control…
I can, of course, blame everything…blame the politics for making the immigration issue hot topic for election campaign. Blame the British for their screwed moral values where it is normal to leave one’s parents to face their fragile age on their own. I can blame the system for making it easy to slip through the border if you are a criminal in your country of origin asking for asylum with all the benefits attached to the status, and making it impossible if you just ask for your human right to be united with your family, legally and for no additional costs to the State. I can even blame my ex for leaving me in a situation when the country I call home now tells me to go back where I came from as there is nothing to keep me here anymore…you did well and thank you for your contribution, but the only right you’ve got here is the right to pay your taxes, now get the fuck out… I can find million reasons to blame the unfortunate set of circumstances that all conspire to force me out of my comfort zone just when I have finally found it back and was about to take a breath and relax…I can blame as much as I want, but there is no point, it is all outside my control…
I did my best. I know that. And when I’ll come to terms to accept this as a consolation, I will. But for now it ouches.
It is not a big deal, of course. I can still see my parents, visiting them for a couple of weeks every now and then. I might even be able to get them to visit me and stay for few months, eventually, after some more battles against the system. And I can train myself not to think too much of how I failed them in giving to them a proper care they deserved for being my parents after they done all they can for me. It is certainly not the end of the world. Just another disappointment in the world I’m part of…and all I can do really is to vent it out one way or another…