Unsettling.
On my favourite Daily Strength site they discussed a question of what could you settle for. That was a topic about how after break up when you realised there is no perfect person, how this affected your “wish list” for your next partner. Did it made you raise your standards or lower them? In the whole meaningless discussion about which particular personal values have changed and which haven’t, I found one answer that I can relate to. It says:
“I am hoping that someone settles for me”
Dance Me In The Kitchen.
That was a beautiful reminiscence of someone else I’ve read on the site. Speaking of the past they shared a precious memory when they used to have a slow dance with their ex-partner in the kitchen, for no other reason but simply to fulfil the need to be close…I found it incredibly beautiful and so very sensual. And certainly for them it represents the expression of a true love…they also shared their hope:
“Oh, to find that true love to slow dance in the kitchen again, that is what I am looking for”
Of Actions That Speak.
Louder then words. This is just about the only thing that I still believe religiously. You can say as many times as you wish that you had enough and you need to change, but until you do something different, it is nothing but a whinging. You can say a thousand times that a new day will come soon, but until you wake up and make a notice of what is new in this day, the day will stay the same for you over and over and over and until the end of your days. You can tell a million times that you miss them, but until you make a step towards they still will be missed out from your life. It is not what we say, but what we do that makes it different.
Self-sabotage.
I have that sneaky suspicion that I’m guilty of it. I seem to be very alert to any thought that might potentially break my solitude and get me out there in a search of companion, male or female, doesn’t matter really. I’m noticing how as soon as I start to ponder “what if I’d meet…” or “if I’d have…” immediately the protection system kicks in and I defeat without even advancing any far in this direction. Sometimes it is a voice of reason speaking of so what, you won’t trust them anyway, why bother…some times it’s who would want you anyway, why bother and at times it’s a chilling fear of I don’t want to get hurt again…and so I’d stop. Whatever I’d be pondering over…I don’t want to share any thing of mine anymore, except from general philosophy, perhaps. You get to know my beliefs, but not my feelings. Still being logically minded I see the shortcomings of such attitude and that it won’t get me anywhere. But that’s exactly why I’m putting this into written words, because it confuses me too, that although I can see how I’m self-sabotaging, it kind of happens unintentionally and regardless of my own wish. Guess, now I have to find a way to overcome this obstacle.