As if the cloud from volcano has veiled me from the rest of the world. Safe localised peace. Not peace of mind, just peace…a quiet… when nothing happens yet something is going on, you know…
There is never a good time, isn’t it? And this time I mean time in its most mechanical expression. A watch…there is never a good watch…when you need it. Yet another memory layer has dropped off and suddenly a crack in a glass made me to see very clear – it’s time to change my hand watch. I had it from…1989! It was a gift. From my ex. For my university graduation. Yes, the watch actually worked that long and is still working now. But the glass has been broken and it strikes the digits right across as if announcing them invalid. My time is cancelled…It is strange that I’ve been holding on to it for so long, although I have to say it wasn’t because of its sentimental value, but more because I like this watch. It suits me to the T. It is my kind of watch. And it never failed me for all these 21 years. So although the engraving on the backside holds certain memories, I was still holding on to the watch, just for the reason I like it. Yet I should’ve replace it long time ago because, let’s be honest, it does remind and it does play melody in minor key whenever I stop my eyes on it. So it really should’ve been gone. I’m surprised it didn’t occur to me before. But even more I’m surprised at how urgent the need has grown. I’ve been shopping for new watch last few days. I’ve discovered that the time has become “a feature”, “an artistic expression”, “a designer fashion”, anything except from practical time measuring device. You can’t imagine how many watches are out there! And how weird most of them are! An empty dial with the hands…or odd shape…or curved hands...gee, with most you have to guess the time! I’m deeply disappointed. You would’ve thought, to buy a watch is easy…but apparently, there is not a good time…
There is this notion of letting go of your past. You have to start it with a wish. Once you want to be free of the past, once you decide this is what you want, it’s a first step. Nothing will work otherwise.
I have an educating experience with the immigration tribunal. I cannot say it was a positive one, but I can say that I’m satisfied with myself within it. I was calm, peaceful, I smiled and I addressed every question asked. I remember how in the past in similar situation I would go through the motions of did I do it right and I should’ve said better. This time I don’t feel I failed in any particular details. I did my best. Unfortunately it will be judge to decide if my best was good enough. I didn’t feel much positive reaction to my arguments. Still they were the best I have. Time will tell surely. all what we worth, time does tell...
There is a premature summer on the Little Island. Must be an effect of an ash cloud…I do wonder when it ends, will we have an unfinished winter back or squeezed to the timescale spring…something has gone terribly wrong in the sky workshop and all the seasons are a mess. I feel totally uninspired lately. Must be the weather…