I’ve read this story somewhere:
A friend of mine has got a tree at his garden, one day he found that the tree was not looking good and so he decided to remove it. My friend went and cut the branches of the tree then came back home happily. After some time my friend found that the branches grew again, he was a little confused so he did cut them again. Few months later my friend was on his way home then he got mad when he found that the branches grew again. But what did he do wrong? He did use the correct tool to cut the branch and he did cut it in a correct way, what was wrong then? Simply he didn’t cut the root, he just kept cutting the branches and repeating the whole process again.
The metaphor for today is in finding the root of your problem, not the way to keep her under control.
The trick is in asking yourself the right questions. For example ask not what do you need more money for, but what do you want to gain when you’ll get more money. So instead of saying I want more money to pay off my mortgage or to get a new car, I’d say: more money would make me feel secure in living and driving. So really what I’m after is – the sense of security.
Or ask not why I want to have a relationship, but what do I want the relationship to give me. And then it all boils down to the same sense of security, sense of purpose and the opportunity to share. Really when it comes to these things, I can easily see that it doesn’t really mean I need a relationship to have all that I want. Just the relationship is one of the ways to have it, that’s all. But I do not have to wait for relationship to come and bring me all those wonderful things served on a plate with golden border. I can still go get them in some other ways I'll have to discover, all the while waiting for the right relationship to come along, if it will.
You have to know what is it that you expect from relationships. I could’ve said: I do not want to be lonely. Or I need to feel validated. But if your problem was loneliness or low self esteem then getting into a relationship won’t solve your problems but it will only mask them. When this idea settled in my mind very clearly, it brought another question in: the famous theory that there is a second half for each of us exists somewhere…why do we say – the “other half”, anyway? If I’m complete as a person on my own, the other half will make me what – 1.5 ??? something in this maths does not add up. I’ve got a lot to share, to give, to fulfill, I do not, however, want to be a “provider” for somebody’s happiness. And equally do not want to let somebody else to make me happy. Why should I? Who better then me knows what exactly makes me happy? But if you’d like to come and be happy together, bring your own happiness along and let’s see how much more we can generate from this cocktail. So if faith gives me a chance to start again, I will make sure this time I’ll get it better, learned from my mistakes.
On the boring mundane side of my day, oh-oh…there is no window in my bedroom…well, the good news - there will be a new one soon. I hope that soon will be today.
A friend of mine has got a tree at his garden, one day he found that the tree was not looking good and so he decided to remove it. My friend went and cut the branches of the tree then came back home happily. After some time my friend found that the branches grew again, he was a little confused so he did cut them again. Few months later my friend was on his way home then he got mad when he found that the branches grew again. But what did he do wrong? He did use the correct tool to cut the branch and he did cut it in a correct way, what was wrong then? Simply he didn’t cut the root, he just kept cutting the branches and repeating the whole process again.
The metaphor for today is in finding the root of your problem, not the way to keep her under control.
The trick is in asking yourself the right questions. For example ask not what do you need more money for, but what do you want to gain when you’ll get more money. So instead of saying I want more money to pay off my mortgage or to get a new car, I’d say: more money would make me feel secure in living and driving. So really what I’m after is – the sense of security.
Or ask not why I want to have a relationship, but what do I want the relationship to give me. And then it all boils down to the same sense of security, sense of purpose and the opportunity to share. Really when it comes to these things, I can easily see that it doesn’t really mean I need a relationship to have all that I want. Just the relationship is one of the ways to have it, that’s all. But I do not have to wait for relationship to come and bring me all those wonderful things served on a plate with golden border. I can still go get them in some other ways I'll have to discover, all the while waiting for the right relationship to come along, if it will.
You have to know what is it that you expect from relationships. I could’ve said: I do not want to be lonely. Or I need to feel validated. But if your problem was loneliness or low self esteem then getting into a relationship won’t solve your problems but it will only mask them. When this idea settled in my mind very clearly, it brought another question in: the famous theory that there is a second half for each of us exists somewhere…why do we say – the “other half”, anyway? If I’m complete as a person on my own, the other half will make me what – 1.5 ??? something in this maths does not add up. I’ve got a lot to share, to give, to fulfill, I do not, however, want to be a “provider” for somebody’s happiness. And equally do not want to let somebody else to make me happy. Why should I? Who better then me knows what exactly makes me happy? But if you’d like to come and be happy together, bring your own happiness along and let’s see how much more we can generate from this cocktail. So if faith gives me a chance to start again, I will make sure this time I’ll get it better, learned from my mistakes.
On the boring mundane side of my day, oh-oh…there is no window in my bedroom…well, the good news - there will be a new one soon. I hope that soon will be today.