The fledgling will be coming home for this weekend. I think he’s got fed up already trying to maintain household duties on his own. LOL. [Of course he found a perfect reason: it was only a Freshener’s week, no lectures yet, nothing much to do.] And without Internet for now, he’s having real troubles with his spare time – doesn’t know where else to waste it…So much for high expectations for independence! He’s got it now and doesn’t know what to do with it…Funny…
Thoughts're very random these days. Very moody and very changing, like weather here. Mainly because there wasn’t a quality time for thinking, just a bits and bytes of minutes, seconds in between of active living…Like in a ring&rope puzzle, it is impossible to find ways and ends of my thoughts these days – each one sparks from something, then either goes completely in flames, or fades without a smoke…if I’d been asked to describe in one word what’s in my mind, the word would be – Ambiguity…
Thoughts of being timid or daring. And how one can be both the same time. Being reminded of a children monkeying around a forbidden place. You can tell them not t o go there so many times, still – the minute you turned away – they would leap like a shot and would be standing there impatiently, waiting to be noticed so that they can run away at once…”try and catch me if you can”…
Thoughts of being reserved about self virtues and being wide opened about self – deficiency. We would talk about how bad we are rather then – how good we are. Why? Where that weird sense of guilt for being perfect comes from? There should be some reason for society to adopt such morale. I’d like to know it.
Thoughts of “half empty, half full”. There are times, when we unable to make an unbiased decision on whether we want to go that path, to knock that door, to stay at that place. Sometimes it is easier to make a decision what we don’t want instead. I do not always know where the right place is for me, but somehow it always feels when it is a wrong place. I feel that I do not belong there. In Mathematics you can actually solve an equation by the method of exclusions.
Thoughts on moving on. “When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children - in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected move again only you don't remember what moves you because no one has asked in so long. Not even yourself…”
[One of my favorite movies – “Bridges of Madison County”. A timeless, universally appealing story of love and loss. In just four days, two people find one another and commit themselves to each other for a lifetime even though they remain apart.]
Finally, just a song:
We go sailing down the calming streams
Drifting endlessly by the bridge
To be over, we will see, to be over
Do not suffer through the game of chance that plays
Always doors to lock away your dreams
Think it over, time will heal your fear, think it over
Balance the thoughts that release within you
Childlike soul dreamer
One journey, one to seek and see in every light
Do open true pathways away
Carrying closer
Go gently, holding doors will open every way
You wander true pathways away
After all your soul will still surrender
After all don't doubt your part
Be ready to be loved
[~Anderson, Howe, Squire, Moraz and White – “Yes”]