When I Am, I Am Not
Tue Mar 28 2006

Tiring. And that’s what this day has been. And so was I. Tired. I don’t like such days. Lots of meetings, though useful, but I would rather do things in a comfort of my desk then drink sweet coffee offerings of interested users. Interested as in mercenarily. As a rule they want a lot and more. Don’t we all though?

My mind is tired to the point of wanting to stretch out muscles, like after spending long time without move. To force thoughts to be pulled out from the corners where they hide…to give them a light push, to make them M-O-V-E. C’mon, my thoughts! But they refuse to step out. Doesn’t mean that I have nothing boiling in my mind, just that mind is too tired to cook something tasteful out of it. It is almost the end of a day here, time to head home. In my bookmarks I have a link to the beautiful site of Rumi’s poetry. Every day on the entrance to the site you get a new random poem. It is a good relaxing way to drop all day time worries behind and shift over to the evening. Today’s random poem sounds meditative… 

I said I shall tell the tale of my heart as best as I can;
Caught in the storm of my tears, with a bleeding heart,
I failed to do that!
I tried to relate to event in broken, muted words;
The cup of my thoughts was so fragile, that I fell into pieces like shattered glass.
Many ships were wrecked in this storm;
What is my little helpless boat in comparison?
The waves destroyed my ship, neither good remained nor bad;
Free from myself, I tied my body to a raft.
Now, I am neither up nor down-no this is not a fair description;
I am up on a wave one instant, and down under another the next.
I am not aware of my existence, I know only this:
When I am, I am not, and when I am not, I am!


(Divan 1419:1-6) 

have an enchanting day or evening or any other time that you have left of today...
3 Comments
  • From:
    Razzenne (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Mar 29 2006
    I guess I havent finished blogging yet this week haha

    oh beautiful svetlana I loved your bathtub rock entry it made me smile and it gave me something I can relate too

    I love meat loaf also one has to recognize that beneath the layer of soap suds there is a powerful operatic voice and yet he is such a rocker

    your neighbours knock on your wall because you are singing hooray for you they should be thrilled it is better than arguments they should join in

    I too am not much of a singer so for a while I was chanting my poetry lines and actually chanting
    you rock girl



  • From:
    Razzenne (Legacy)
    On:
    Wed Mar 29 2006
    oh you lovely computer geek you I am so happy that you find your job ok as you work with these hi tech boys
    my job is my divine path and well I do feel priviledged to be able to say those words

    I make good money but I would do it for minimum wages I think that is the true test of how much you like your job ha ha
  • From:
    AURORABEAR (Unauthenticated) (Legacy)
    On:
    Thu Mar 30 2006
    Thank you very much for your encouragement. Yes, I'd love to try it out and prove to myself, but I'm worried not because I'm not confident enough, instead I'm not having enough time to prepare for it. Most people practise for about a year before going for exam, and if I was to sit the exam in summer, I only have a few months left, not to mention to jump immediately to Grade 3, besides I also have 8 exams for my degree. Anyway, I'm trying my best these days - I 'force' myself to practise the scales for half an hour a day, I decided to start from Grade 1 and see if I'm able to proceed to Grade 3, the advantage is seen immediately - I feel my fingers becoming nimbler after I start practising the scales, I'll keep up!