This time all was different. I went with friends – my dancing club participated in festivities basking on the Fair. So I’ve found my joy back. And we danced on the streets for 2 hours! And then went back to class and danced some more…and after about 5 hours of dancing I suddenly discovered that somebody have maliciously replaced my feet, coz the one I’ve got left with were sore and refused to move.
This year we have green Santa. Literally. The Santa in the Christmas parade was wearing the green suit???!!! Perhaps, to demonstrate support for the new environmental “green” policies. To add my personal Santa’s Blues (or should I say – “Santa’s Greens”?_ – I’ve been in this country for almost 13 years and still not used to the green Christmas. I miss snow. *sigh*
It is difficult to find a reply to the long-winding yes. Yes is a dot in a sentence. A road sign for the dead end. Yes is there to tell the conversation she is over.
Today I’ve unexpectendly closed two bank accounts. They both were in joint names with ex. Neither has been used since divorce and both have zero balance. I went to the bank to sort out some other business and suddenly, just out of the blue, heard myself asking what would it take to close those two idle accounts. And the lady just did it. Walking out of the bank I felt slightly confused and a bit melancholic. Of course these should’ve been closed ages ago, but somehow seeing them in the list every time when I do online banking was somewhat…NO!.. it was unnecessary reminder, a trigger for unwanted hope, totally unhelpful for my well being. They had to go. And when they did, it feels as if yet another tie has been cut off, setting me free slightly more then I was before. More and more I’m on my own in this sailing…
So you’ve learned what it is that you have to change about yourself, drafted yourself a worthy target. What’s next? What does it take to make a change? To me it is to start moving. Do anything, really, even the tiniest step. The momentum then will grow. If you'll sit thinking about what and how you can get to the next step, you will stay in the same place. Once started moving, the inertia of it will pick you up and carry forward. For me it works in a way that even when I don't know yet which practical step might get me to where I want, I'd just do something, as in “action”, as in “different then I used to do before”. Often this seems to be enough to push me off the edge of procrastination.
Do we become bigheaded when we think good about self? We love ourselves not because we are “better then others”. We love what we have become because we can be righteously proud for all the good qualities we gained by working hard on ourselves, because we have reasons to respect ourselves. It is not selfish or arrogant in my books. When I feel good about myself, I feel powerful; I’m so much more capable of giving something to others. I think, there should be nothing uncomfortable about thinking good about yourself.