Boo…thought, I should say something…actually, I have found a strange comfort in not writing my thoughts on me in general and my life in particular…it was that feeling that if I type them, the words will come true…the funny thing is – they were true already before I began to contemplate whether to type them or not…so I don’t know what I’m fussing about, really…
Recently my path has been somewhat jagged…once the flat section passed, there is that sharp cut and whoops…I’m on another level…like on line game, really…get through the maze and collect prizes on your way, you know the kind…only sometimes the next level is down, not up…but the sensation very similar – whoops…surprise! deal with it…there is no pattern, no system to how often this happens and no real way to predict what trigger will cause next leap and which direction, up or down…so here I was, being me, waiting for my life to happened, then whoops… unhappy news…down I go…as you would expect…actually it was only painful for the first few days or so…it was insensible after…or it was me who was insensible…
Being on your own has this advantage of having all the time you need without having anybody poking you every second, shoving poles up your arse and torture you with expectations…adapting to my new life I found easy way to handle life’s insults (thanks for the expression!) - just floating slightly above the surface in my parallel world, half-volumed, half-dimmed…waiting the time through until it feels like it is time to get out of illusion and back into the real world again, until I find myself on another level of this game…I’m not sure what exactly prompts me it is time…it seems that nothing in particular, just one moment I start to live again as if nothing had happened…on Daily Strength site they call it – rollercoaster ride…as much as I would like to deny this is relevant to me, the sad truth - it most likely is…how long it takes me to get through the challenges every time, depends on my navigating skills, I suppose…how sharp the next jag will be, anyone’s guess…how many prizes I will collect on my way…well, I’m not competitive, I prefer just to walk along being on my guard for whatever fate might throw at me next time…expect not a thing, I’d say and you’ll be better off… when it is nothing, I’m kind of relieved for all those extra efforts wear me out somehow …
If I were to write a manual How To Survive Life’s Challenges, I would give one single advise: wait them through. Stay half-tuned, basic functions, safe mode they call it in IT and try not to wiggle too much – it will only entangle you deeper into your pain. Just wait and let the time to do his job. He’s the best…*that reminded me of my friend’s cartoon – a pharmacy with the shelves stocked with just one kind of remedy, all labelled – Thyme…the text says: “apparently is a great healer”…*
And so I am sitting here now, pensively looking at the screen…bickering with myself about what should and what shouldn’t make an entry…guess, it means – I’m back...
To answer your question: no, I have not found a new love…why should I be looking for one? Right now I’m diligently demolishing all the sharp corners, because I want to see clearly what’s around the “next bend”, I’m sick of life’s surprises…having read what I’ve been writing, you still missed the point…
I’m currently at war. With my domestic appliances who joined together, all - against me. I’ve got all sorts of partisan incidents involving bursting, burning, breaking and plainly refusing to work for no apparent reason. So far I’ve dealt with immersion heater, with TV, with my mobile and currently am working on an evil plan to replace my electric cooker…(tsss, don’t tell her of my plans otherwise she’ll refuse to operate even those few hobs left still) I feel somewhat war-weary and my head full of useless knowledge about electric cookers, their features, brands and how the thingies they consists of called in professional jargon…someone said to me gee, its a cooker , its white and it lives in the kitchen, what else is needed to choose a cooker? It amazes me too how can one be so choosy on electric cookers, but I can’t help it – I visited few shops and so far I haven’t seen anything that I’d want to take home with me…why am I so fussy indeed? …
Well, kids, that’s enough for one entry, methinks…
Recently my path has been somewhat jagged…once the flat section passed, there is that sharp cut and whoops…I’m on another level…like on line game, really…get through the maze and collect prizes on your way, you know the kind…only sometimes the next level is down, not up…but the sensation very similar – whoops…surprise! deal with it…there is no pattern, no system to how often this happens and no real way to predict what trigger will cause next leap and which direction, up or down…so here I was, being me, waiting for my life to happened, then whoops… unhappy news…down I go…as you would expect…actually it was only painful for the first few days or so…it was insensible after…or it was me who was insensible…
Being on your own has this advantage of having all the time you need without having anybody poking you every second, shoving poles up your arse and torture you with expectations…adapting to my new life I found easy way to handle life’s insults (thanks for the expression!) - just floating slightly above the surface in my parallel world, half-volumed, half-dimmed…waiting the time through until it feels like it is time to get out of illusion and back into the real world again, until I find myself on another level of this game…I’m not sure what exactly prompts me it is time…it seems that nothing in particular, just one moment I start to live again as if nothing had happened…on Daily Strength site they call it – rollercoaster ride…as much as I would like to deny this is relevant to me, the sad truth - it most likely is…how long it takes me to get through the challenges every time, depends on my navigating skills, I suppose…how sharp the next jag will be, anyone’s guess…how many prizes I will collect on my way…well, I’m not competitive, I prefer just to walk along being on my guard for whatever fate might throw at me next time…expect not a thing, I’d say and you’ll be better off… when it is nothing, I’m kind of relieved for all those extra efforts wear me out somehow …
If I were to write a manual How To Survive Life’s Challenges, I would give one single advise: wait them through. Stay half-tuned, basic functions, safe mode they call it in IT and try not to wiggle too much – it will only entangle you deeper into your pain. Just wait and let the time to do his job. He’s the best…*that reminded me of my friend’s cartoon – a pharmacy with the shelves stocked with just one kind of remedy, all labelled – Thyme…the text says: “apparently is a great healer”…*
And so I am sitting here now, pensively looking at the screen…bickering with myself about what should and what shouldn’t make an entry…guess, it means – I’m back...
To answer your question: no, I have not found a new love…why should I be looking for one? Right now I’m diligently demolishing all the sharp corners, because I want to see clearly what’s around the “next bend”, I’m sick of life’s surprises…having read what I’ve been writing, you still missed the point…
I’m currently at war. With my domestic appliances who joined together, all - against me. I’ve got all sorts of partisan incidents involving bursting, burning, breaking and plainly refusing to work for no apparent reason. So far I’ve dealt with immersion heater, with TV, with my mobile and currently am working on an evil plan to replace my electric cooker…(tsss, don’t tell her of my plans otherwise she’ll refuse to operate even those few hobs left still) I feel somewhat war-weary and my head full of useless knowledge about electric cookers, their features, brands and how the thingies they consists of called in professional jargon…someone said to me gee, its a cooker , its white and it lives in the kitchen, what else is needed to choose a cooker? It amazes me too how can one be so choosy on electric cookers, but I can’t help it – I visited few shops and so far I haven’t seen anything that I’d want to take home with me…why am I so fussy indeed? …
Well, kids, that’s enough for one entry, methinks…