I feel like a brave fire-fighter making his way through the debris of the burned out house, where every thing could collapse any minute as if waiting to be disintegrated as soon as touched…I wonder how many things to be broken are there left in my house still? Before the Christmas it was the TV…now it is a boiler. I’ve only noticed I don’t have hot water after few days…in the past it was the matter of climbing to the loft, draining the boiler’s tank off the water, replacing the thermo element in it…it is not something I could do on my own…it involves a job partner to help to hold and direct the water hose, etc…of course it was clear to us from the day we bought the house that the boiler was outdated and needs to be replaced…just we never really get to it…I recalled the other things that we "never really get to it"...electrics, bathroom, windows, roof tiles...a thought occurred to me that we never get to anything that required attention, really…him always was "not up to it" and me not persistent enough to make it happenned...it all seemed like “can wait” and like "wait till it's broken" and like “sometimes in the future” type of things…and now it’s all kind of “cannot wait anymore”…
So today, when I finally realised that the boiler’s gone, I used my well developed&tested survival technique: first - “cry it over” moment, then – hysterical laugh at myself …at the joys of life in general and single’s life in particular…just another perk of it, comes by default: you have to maintain it all on your own…somehow doesn’t feel like benefit after all…I am only glad that the house kindly allowed me enough time to rebuild myself before putting demands on rebuilding the infrastructure…should it all happened a year before, when I was still in the limbo, I would never be able to cope, I think…
So I whinged to a friend how as soon as things got better with my internal refurbishment, the outer life support starts falling apart…philosophically he noted “so you are rebuilding "you"… and I, like - ”yeah, a big construction site, I am…” And it really feels like this…there is always something…mess, deadlines, things broken, fixed, replaced, around the house, within myself, emotionally, physically…never a dull moment…makes me wonder will it ever end…
So today, when I finally realised that the boiler’s gone, I used my well developed&tested survival technique: first - “cry it over” moment, then – hysterical laugh at myself …at the joys of life in general and single’s life in particular…just another perk of it, comes by default: you have to maintain it all on your own…somehow doesn’t feel like benefit after all…I am only glad that the house kindly allowed me enough time to rebuild myself before putting demands on rebuilding the infrastructure…should it all happened a year before, when I was still in the limbo, I would never be able to cope, I think…
So I whinged to a friend how as soon as things got better with my internal refurbishment, the outer life support starts falling apart…philosophically he noted “so you are rebuilding "you"… and I, like - ”yeah, a big construction site, I am…” And it really feels like this…there is always something…mess, deadlines, things broken, fixed, replaced, around the house, within myself, emotionally, physically…never a dull moment…makes me wonder will it ever end…