So I’ve contemplated for a while what it’s gonna be then – a rant for all the stupid daily stuff that has fallen onto me to deal with like an avalanche, or a philosophical bollocks that fills up my brains, pushing out all the useful stuff from there or perhaps it should be cheer-yourself-up quotes to find the reason to enjoy the day as it comes…tough choice, eh?..
While parted from DD for the last week, I had lots of those moments when a thought led to the thinking “that’s an interesting one, I’ve got to write it down before I forgot” and then when you’d get to actually writing it down, it’s already forgotten…trying putting back the perspectives is never an easy task when there are also many other tasks at hand…I’ll try anyway…
It seems to me that spending my days on my own de structures them into a set of endless mini-pieces of the day. Instead of being sure what I will be doing at any particular moment of a day, I now found myself totally under the influence of “whatever I feel like doing” flow…though many might envy me for such a luxury, it doesn’t feels like a good thing to me. I’ve lost the purpose in each day, the something that can be “looked forward to”, the something which when completed marks a day with “achieved” stamp. It might not be necessary a bad thing, I suppose, but it sure feels like a new skin I’ve pulled on and like any new things it doesn’t fit “quite right” until you’ll wear it out enough…or maybe I shouldn’t try on things that don’t fit…
I believe words are just what they are. The means of getting across individual’s thoughts. There are words being said and words being heard…sometimes those two appear as not the same ones…the word exchange serves single purpose: to find the ones that means the same for both…
Being single can be good if only for one reason: you always have time for you. For all other reasons being single is not so good at all…Being suddenly faced with all those “little things” that have been successfully hidden before, I realised that it is not possible to “plan it all out” when you have very limited “planning” budget, so when the locks needed replacing and electrics in the bathroom needed to be fixed, all your diligently planned out expenses turned into the wasted efforts…and the funny thing I’ve realised: not that it is now, in this moment all of this suddenly got broken, but it used to be that way before...just the job used to be postponed every time the need has been discussed…and now there is simply no one to discuss it with anymore, so it just has to be done…
There is only so much one can do when alone. I’m not even go into endless list of things to do together…sometimes just to have a hand that would stroke your head compassionately could make all the difference…stroking your own head, apparently doesn’t have the same soothing effect…
Observations…
“it can’t get any worse”, she thought walking out of the office and into the annoying rain heading to the town on her lunch break…and immediately the thin annoying rain turns into stormy shower showing no mercy for the umbrellas in their attempts to protect humans...by the time I’ve got to the bus, there was no more use in umbrella…I wouldn’t go shopping at lunch time if there’d be no urgent need for it, of course. The need emerged a day before in the pool when my swimming suit refused to swim with me…I mean – I jumped into the water and promptly swam out of the suit because it was too loose on me…duh! So with me emerging out of my suit the need emerged to get a new one, sized down. And so that I won’t use it as an excuse not to go swimming, I had to force myself to go shopping…some observations along my way…
department store: September is not a season for swimming suits…yeah, right…but take a look at that top!...common, try it, girl, I know, you want to…oh ok…the top sits perfectly, doesn’t it?...and you look kinda cute in it…well…focus, girl, focus, we are not buying tops today, we are buying swimming suits…besides, just having spent a month’s fuel fund on the MOT for a car that doesn’t even belong to you and then having to spend a two weeks food budget on a locksmith you’re not entitled to even look at anything in the shops other then the swimming suit that you NEED. Concentrate, concentrate on a target…*sigh* just to note: I didn’t find a swimming suit in the end anyway, so am contemplating on getting waterproof crayons instead and paint the swimming suit on me directly. With a bit of creativity, I think, no one will ever notice until of course they’ll see the colourful ripples tracing my way as I swim the lane…damn evil consumer surveys that tell retailers there is no need in swim gear after the summer’s gone…
ladies lingerie department: on passing by my attention was caught by a gentlemen parsing through a line of bras…looking a bit confused, perhaps…interested enough to stop by, pretending I’m looking at the lingerie as well, watching secretly from under the fringe…he seemed to be trying to figure out the right size…by taking each bra’s cups into his palms, as if “weightening”…imagination pictures how he might’ve grabbed his girlfriend’s tits before going out, just to “remember” the size or shape…who would in their right mind send a man for the bra!? Interesting also that either he intentionally tried to pick the less sexier things or male’s concept of the “sexy lingerie” considerably differs from that of female’s…hmmmm…
books department: had a spare time to browse through the books before my bus, noticed how many certain aged ladies with somewhat similarly lonely faces wandered in the Mills&Boon’s area (that’s Modern Love Novels series, for those who don’t know)
Gee, that’s a lot of writing…and a little meaning too... wonder where my mind choose to take me next...
While parted from DD for the last week, I had lots of those moments when a thought led to the thinking “that’s an interesting one, I’ve got to write it down before I forgot” and then when you’d get to actually writing it down, it’s already forgotten…trying putting back the perspectives is never an easy task when there are also many other tasks at hand…I’ll try anyway…
It seems to me that spending my days on my own de structures them into a set of endless mini-pieces of the day. Instead of being sure what I will be doing at any particular moment of a day, I now found myself totally under the influence of “whatever I feel like doing” flow…though many might envy me for such a luxury, it doesn’t feels like a good thing to me. I’ve lost the purpose in each day, the something that can be “looked forward to”, the something which when completed marks a day with “achieved” stamp. It might not be necessary a bad thing, I suppose, but it sure feels like a new skin I’ve pulled on and like any new things it doesn’t fit “quite right” until you’ll wear it out enough…or maybe I shouldn’t try on things that don’t fit…
I believe words are just what they are. The means of getting across individual’s thoughts. There are words being said and words being heard…sometimes those two appear as not the same ones…the word exchange serves single purpose: to find the ones that means the same for both…
Being single can be good if only for one reason: you always have time for you. For all other reasons being single is not so good at all…Being suddenly faced with all those “little things” that have been successfully hidden before, I realised that it is not possible to “plan it all out” when you have very limited “planning” budget, so when the locks needed replacing and electrics in the bathroom needed to be fixed, all your diligently planned out expenses turned into the wasted efforts…and the funny thing I’ve realised: not that it is now, in this moment all of this suddenly got broken, but it used to be that way before...just the job used to be postponed every time the need has been discussed…and now there is simply no one to discuss it with anymore, so it just has to be done…
There is only so much one can do when alone. I’m not even go into endless list of things to do together…sometimes just to have a hand that would stroke your head compassionately could make all the difference…stroking your own head, apparently doesn’t have the same soothing effect…
Observations…
“it can’t get any worse”, she thought walking out of the office and into the annoying rain heading to the town on her lunch break…and immediately the thin annoying rain turns into stormy shower showing no mercy for the umbrellas in their attempts to protect humans...by the time I’ve got to the bus, there was no more use in umbrella…I wouldn’t go shopping at lunch time if there’d be no urgent need for it, of course. The need emerged a day before in the pool when my swimming suit refused to swim with me…I mean – I jumped into the water and promptly swam out of the suit because it was too loose on me…duh! So with me emerging out of my suit the need emerged to get a new one, sized down. And so that I won’t use it as an excuse not to go swimming, I had to force myself to go shopping…some observations along my way…
department store: September is not a season for swimming suits…yeah, right…but take a look at that top!...common, try it, girl, I know, you want to…oh ok…the top sits perfectly, doesn’t it?...and you look kinda cute in it…well…focus, girl, focus, we are not buying tops today, we are buying swimming suits…besides, just having spent a month’s fuel fund on the MOT for a car that doesn’t even belong to you and then having to spend a two weeks food budget on a locksmith you’re not entitled to even look at anything in the shops other then the swimming suit that you NEED. Concentrate, concentrate on a target…*sigh* just to note: I didn’t find a swimming suit in the end anyway, so am contemplating on getting waterproof crayons instead and paint the swimming suit on me directly. With a bit of creativity, I think, no one will ever notice until of course they’ll see the colourful ripples tracing my way as I swim the lane…damn evil consumer surveys that tell retailers there is no need in swim gear after the summer’s gone…
ladies lingerie department: on passing by my attention was caught by a gentlemen parsing through a line of bras…looking a bit confused, perhaps…interested enough to stop by, pretending I’m looking at the lingerie as well, watching secretly from under the fringe…he seemed to be trying to figure out the right size…by taking each bra’s cups into his palms, as if “weightening”…imagination pictures how he might’ve grabbed his girlfriend’s tits before going out, just to “remember” the size or shape…who would in their right mind send a man for the bra!? Interesting also that either he intentionally tried to pick the less sexier things or male’s concept of the “sexy lingerie” considerably differs from that of female’s…hmmmm…
books department: had a spare time to browse through the books before my bus, noticed how many certain aged ladies with somewhat similarly lonely faces wandered in the Mills&Boon’s area (that’s Modern Love Novels series, for those who don’t know)
Gee, that’s a lot of writing…and a little meaning too... wonder where my mind choose to take me next...