Please understand me the best you can and if you do not understand, please tell me in your response if you have any questions. I deal with judgmental family members with attitude that makes me sit or stand in my spot feeling numb and tune my family members are sitting in the same room with raised voices and always pointing out my faults and wrongdoings. It makes me feel embarrassed that the past has been brought up again, and my dad thinks he knows exactly what I am thinking when I am not thinking about what he thinks I am thinking. The truth is I am not thinking of anything except I need to get away! I rarely write to my dad because he will not understand my words on paper even when they are in perfect order. When dad is yelling at me, he gets louder and demands me to answer his questions right and if I do not answer the way he wants me, he gets louder. I am paralyzed and unable to move when my dad yells at me. He thinks I cry because I am feeling sorry for myself. No, I do not feel sorry for myself, I am crying because his loud voice hurts my ears. He is so loud that I can’t yell back. I am going to be 56 years old and sometimes he yells at me like I was still a child. I believe my dad has an anger problem or does not know he has a problem with his anger. I am reminded of my past troubles of my youth the way dad sees it. Now, since I can’t speak out my feelings so I write them. I go to someone if I have a problem at school. There were times dad was mad enough he would threaten me bu saying that he will get all the kids in the gymnasium and tell them about how bad I must have it at home. Even though he would not do it because, first of all, he was a cop until a few years AFTER I was out of school, and he retired when he, his wife, and youngest daughter/my sister Kiki (nickname) was 8 years old and they moved to Arkansas. I was glad they were moving out of state. My mom and stepdad in New Mexico, my brother and his family in Pennsylvania had made me feel alone at times, but I was able to travel back then on foot as far as getting to the airplane at the airport when going out of state for the holidays. Today, my dad and his wife live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and Kiki lives in Milwaukee as well and works for another company that is no longer Target. That’s what I remember for now. Grandma Skip and Grandpa Bob both passed away before Dad and Sandy moved back up to Wisconsin to be closer to the only brother he has left and that is Uncle ‘Butch’ Larry.  My Aunt Jackie is still alive but we lost Uncle Ed in April of 1997 and October 1, 1997, Mom and I lost Grandma Myra/Aunt My (according to my Aunt/Cousin Donna). We lost dad’s brother Ray passed away March 20, 2025/a year ago thjs coming Wednesday March 25, 2026. I have to admit that something happened over the past couple of days that upset me and I had awakened with moist eyes from crying. I must have been dreaming something that had made me cry, and my friend Mark said something that gave me a delayed reaction to it. What happened?

I was told that JS’s dad didn’t want to talk to me because I was not his favorite person right now because of what happened to his daughter’s dog. Luke the dog was taken away from his daughter because she was not feeding him anymore and she said she was going to put him down. I agreed that Luke should be homed elsewhere because he needed to be, and that is ALL I did and thought, but that is NOT what Jennie thought, though. Because of her cruelty to animals and her dating a drug dealer, I have severed ties with her, and blocked her number so she could not send me texts or call me. We haven’t talked or never got together since I moved in here on October 1, 2020. I consider the fact that we are no longer friends now because we don’t do things together anymore. So I wrote my friend MEE my feelings and texted it to him. This is what I sent to him:

So you know…Please DO NOT say this to Bob and his wife, but you telling me that I am not their favorite person right now because of the dog has hurt me very much so, ok? I woke up crying this morning and I’m a little angry that THEY did NOT come to me to tell me themselves. Hearing what a friend was told, and they should NOT have told you either in my book! I do not appreciate that THEY did not come to me to get the story straight from me directly.I am sorry to hear that Deb is not doing well right now, and that is ALL I am going to admit, but them not knowing where I stand about hearing Luke was NOT being fed and was sickly thin, and after what she has done with her dog — NOT a month after Luke was taken from her care because of him looking sickly, and he was sick because he was not being fed, I have cut off ties with JS. My agreeing that Luke needed a better home SHOULD NOT have pissed her parents off at me WITHOUT coming directly to me! I am no longer friends with JS. My friendship with her is DONE! It has been done that I blocked her from calling me. I deleted her number/blocked her. Luke’s health got so bad that he was put down and I heard that took a bit to euthanize him. Did I want him to go? Hell no!

MEE DID NOT respond in a way that was negative. He responded that friends are there to let us vent without being judged. That made me feel good and he understood why I had gotten upset and that he was kind of upset with Bob as well knowing that his daughter was being cruel to her dog. Now if anyone reads that she was helping him lose weight, please keep that thought to yourself because I don’t want to hear it. Luke’s organs had stopped working properly and she was doing this for several weeks until her friend told Jackie what was really going on. With the truth of my kidney lasting 31 years BEFORE I went back on dialysis on April 24, 2019 because it stopped working properly was to save my life and thr thought of an animal on dialysis because their kidneys stopped functioning properly, too, would be a sight. A site that would be considered cruelty to animals? That can be debated because I have seen a cat on dialysis at home and doing fine. A very smart cat who knows that he needs to be careful with the lines and tubing. I have mixed feelings about treatment for pets with kidney problems. I am ALL for saving an animal at all costs if the animal is special needs, and this cat was. The owner is doing it because she believes her cat is special needs and her support animal, and he has a little bit of time left in his ‘old’ days as a cat above 7 years of age. He doesn’t seem to mind his treatments. And I feel better that my feelings were sent forth to MEE. So my night and my day was an emotional roller coaster sorting out my thoughts until I wrote this entry for March 21st, today. I had an emotional sort fest ALL day.