What on earth can I do when I pull another late night before falling asleep? Play games on my cell, watch a marathon of shows, write and record in my journal, read (what I have done in a few weeks—-since October now)). Whatever works for me I guess. I know I am not the only insomniac out there , right? Ummm, maybe so. Believe it. Yep! I struggle several days in a week from every week. I remember many late night study school hours after 8 PM. I do not like insomnia, but what can I do when pills do not help? Nothing, but count my blessings at my age of 54, and that is not exact OLD, right? Some days I beg to differ, but yet grateful that I am still here enjoying my life. What a life!! Hmmm? Not always happy these days because I still do stupid things that lose my privileges and respect at times. I wish people would just stop asking me wanting something I do not have or understand myself yet to this very day! I cannot always deliver anymore nor do I want to. I have had to give up a lot lately because of stupidity these past few weeks! Dang it! what the hell do you want from me? Damn!
Word Processor Memories
Hmmm, WordPerfect… What a memory?! It does not exist anymore? Well, I cannot find it anywhere. Since I do want to save 120 a year, I will stick with iOS operating systems’ Pages, Numbers, and Keynotes. Sometimes I need to comprise and bear with it I suppose — I am okay with it despite I am not always happy about it. That is how life goes.
Well, it is Sunday morninb and Deb is here to work for/with me before she goes to church and come back later this afternoon around supper time. Yep, my weekend has a few hours left in it to enjoy before my week of dialysis treatment and appointments to get through to be on the kidney transplant list when at times I could care less about having a second kidney transplan. Now, I have my reasons for feeling indifferent about it/not wanting it sometimes. Why? Hmmm, let me tell you why, okay?
Reasons Not to Have A Second Transplant
- The kidney is not going to be like my mom’s kidney that lasted 30+ years.
- The transplanted kidney may not wake up after placed in my body.
- I have other health issues that crept up through the years BECAUSE of my transplant kidney of 1988.
- The fact that people in the profession expect a lot out of the patients who have to change their livelihood to please the dang medical field.
- Sometimes I just do not want the emotional ups and downs anymore.
- Some days I feel Jackie wants it more than I do so I do not have dialysis anymore and I can care less about it agai,n