Sorting My Emotions Out is NOT Easy and Fast At Times

Oh my goodness gracious, I am still trying to sort out my emotions from yesterday because I did NOT have the time to do it all by the time I finally rested and slept through the night without any dreams to remember and getting up at 5 AM to begin my Sunday. Deb got here at 7:30 AM, made me my breakfast and plan to come back by 3:30 PM to get me supper. Before she left for the morning and early afternoon before 3:30 PM, she made sure I had snacks and my lunch nearby for me until she came back to get supper made for me. I eat three meals a day and have snacks and water by me when I am not out and about shopping or going to the movies on my non-dialysis days that are now Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and Saturday afternoon after 4 pm, and Sundays and Mondays. I have two weekends again since I moved from one dialysis center to another — much better one I am going to now. When I had my meltdown Tuesday night, it was one fight that I had failed to stop before Mr. Monkey unfortunately got his damn banana stash from me, I had learned what a friend did to another friend’s boyfriend had set off my emotions to be dealt with. My emotions I was dealing with was sadness, anger, frustration, and happy. I had some difficulty with what my friend told me about another friend we both share and had to deal with a lot in the past before deciding to walk away from this friendship and just be civil and kind. Now, with what I had heard 

yesterday morning, I have heard the worst about a friend I cared deeply about enough to help her, now, but yet … here I go …

With it only after 9 pm on a Sunday night, I am getting to the emotions I dealt with, and I had told Jackie what was told to me because I was so disgusted with it. I was angry and seething about it. So, sorting out my anger, sadness, happiness, and wondering and getting them in the right place is NOT an easy task and there was no way I am giving Mr. Monkey his stash of bananas to eat today or the weekend! So, here I am, sorting out my emotions in the best way I know how now before going to sleep tonight. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow at 2 PM and Deb will not be here until 9 AM, so I can sleep in if my body needs to rest. More to come …

Janessa Olson 

Earlier this week I got text from a number I did not know and did not respond to it just in case it was from Janessa Olson. The person texted me a question to a post I had written on FB and I had to ask who was texting me at their number. When I learned that it was my friend Jennie texting me, we got into a conversation about Janessa Olson while texting. Now, I have not been friends with Janessa for a a while now — 5 years — but civil to her when we pass one another in the lobby at Garden Court. But now, after what I heard on Friday, changes all of my respect for her and I do not want nothing to do with her anymore period! She cried rape when her boyfriend did not even do such a thing. The gentleman had to do go to court to prove he did not do such a horrible act to the authorities and a judge. Janessa’s lie has gone too far, and her friend status has become low to no friends for her most recent leaving her lonely and in a sad state of mind. I can’t associate with a person like that anymore with the mental illness I contend with on a daily basis of my own life.

Ever since I learned this about Janessa, I have told my caregiver Jackie what and who I learned this from, has affected me in such a way I cannot speak of it again to anyone else in my life but in my journal of feelings because it is so raw! I never thought that Janessa would stoop that low in her own life threatening a man’s life like that that could put a man behind bars for raping someone of her if it really did happen to somebody or even to HER! Oh, my goodness gracious! Bad!  Disgusting and SAD

Jennie Sommers

I have been hearing through the grapevine of how Jennie’s living her life as well, that her decision making days are numbered with a few people as well. Knowing my friend MEE doesn’t lie about what he hears and gets from his friends, doesn’t get too far with his people, too. From befriending her upon request of her dad I have great respect for, has got me questioning our friendship status as well now that I rarely see her and we never got together as friends do any longer. I’ve, too, have heard how she lives today is questionable and being looked at through the microscope with some neighbors and her family members today. Ummm, when I became friends with her, she was on a five year probation plan with authorities for doing some stupid stuff in her younger days of teenage hood. Her dad thought of me being a good influence on his wayward daughter of trouble.

Throughout our friendship when we did things together friends do, I never got together with her and another friend of hers when she became revengeful on others at times because I was NOT AND NEVER that type of person. I have walked away from her a couple of times to show her that I would no longer put up with her antics of her life. Now, I am questioning her care of her little doggie as well as my caregiver Jackie. Seeing her doggie, dachshund, a wiener dog named Luke looks thin and sickly like he’s not being fed or treated properly and has a friend living with her or in her apartment who happens to have a monitor bracelet from the police department. Also, the same boyfriend Janessa cried and reported rape, Jennie is a now dating is alleged to be doing pot and she’s doing it, too. She’s having nose bleeds and doesn’t know where there coming from???!!! Does Chuck smoke weed? Rumored, he does.

The Observer That I Am…

I believe that God has given me the gift of observation, and I am not here to brag about it…hopefully anyway…I have seen and heard a lot in my lifetime that have been hard to swallow and let go as rumor or the actual proof until proven otherwise, and hearing about Janessa’s cry of rape and Jackie dating a drug user is really true or not living in an apartment building with its problems and troubles of its own that management and maintenance cannot handle. That is why I am leaving Garden Court when my name comes up from another place. I am stuck in a hard spot with Janessa and Jennie at this time. Having walked away from Janessa for good already, I’ve dealt with Jennie more than once, too, feeling that I’ve regretted becoming friends with Jennie in the 90s at times of conflict and her adolescent troubles. Hmmm?, I don’t want to associate myself with her anymore, either…too…hmmm?