As I sit here and think about my life, sometimes I do not feel it is my life I am living. I feel I am living the life of Jackie Paul my caregiver, and I told my mom this. Her words were that I should live my life the best I could with what I can do, but that does not seem to please me that much, ugh! She is right, though. Damn it! I cannot do much, but i can walk enough in my home wherever I am home within reason. I will never leave the confines of of my bed until help arrives in the morning to get me going for the day for dialysis or another appointment I have. Why do I think this? I do not know.