My weekend is almost over now. I just got off the phone with my mom who always calls on Sundays unless we talk about other things through text and other calls. With my mom and her husband LLL in New Mexico, and my dad and his wife Sandy in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I have parents not living in Janesville, Wisconsin anymore and for several years now. I have mixed feelings about my parents yet I do love them dearly no doubt, but sometimes the tensions between family members can cut thick and deep among family members so badly that will paralyze you to the spot your feet are planted underneath you on the floor or ground you are standing or sitting on and at times. My family is indeed NOT perfect! Thank goodness for that?! … I think, anyway. Sometimes I get real scared the worst is going to happen or it has that I dare go back to find out the truth and the truth is what I seek for all the time now and I do believe that my family needs help from Dr. Phil today. Oh how I want to write a letter or more to Dr. Phil explaining to him that I have always felt felt like an outsider looking at and dealing with more lies than the truth as I have seen and heard things a child should not see and hear sometimes. I have to admit that my family is NOT perfect and definitely NOT the Brady Bunch or The Waltons type of family —- wishing it was, though! It is very sad — - my family. My family NEEDS help psychologically to be very honest with you and this world God created for us so long ago, and I am a part of the world today until it is my time to go.

What am I thinking of today? It has been a while since I have wri in my diary once again. Why? I have no reason for NOT writing something the last few days. I know it’s been a while, again, yes! Here I am today for the first time in a while again. Writing in my thoughts and feelings is not always easy anymore, but I do try to do my best at taking the time to write. Today, having dialysis at Fresenius Kidney Care has been a treat in so many ways because I have made my presence or lack of my presence there memorable to some of the other patients and workers there lately now that I have dialysis done at home for three long hours of sitting being dialyzed on my home machine and two caregivers. When one is gone to her dad’s for a medical procedure or condition, I did not have dialysis at home on Friday, and will resume dialysis at home Monday afternoon. I am supposed to be getting a new stove on Monday, and the home nurse SH will be here to disconnect and reconnect a part to my dialysis machine in the living room so the old stove gets removed and the new one gets put in its place in the kitchen. I am NOT looking forward to my place being invaded with maintenance and commotion I am about to endure Monday morning before 12 noon ——- in the AM. I’m just not but have to. My caregivers Jackie and Debbie will be here, maintenance man D and L will be here, and SH will also be here. Magic and Millie will be helping and hiding because of the commotion we will be enduring Monday morning. I’m not looking forward to it in that degree right now. UGH! It’s is going to be a long day on Monday. With that said, I am looking forward to getting a newer stove Monday morning, though!

Family Issues?

When it comes to my family, it doesn’t remind me of some tv shows like the Waltons or the Brady Bunch. As far as family issues are concerned, I come from a family whrre mom and dad divorced, dad remarried and mom moved out of the state of WiscoBain to New Mexico. My brother left home after high school to go into the Army as his job in life until he retired and moved to Pennsylvania with his wife and three children. His kids now all grown and out of the house themselves. Their second child, now a wife and mother herself, and a niece I have not seen since 2008 now. She was still a teenager in high school going through school in her life at that time. There was a year I didn’t even talk to my brother or cared to because of the crap my family has to deal with on a regular basis. Family doesn’t talk to family anymore or through a text these days. It seems we don’t want to talk anymore to one another in a kind way these days. The end of the world is coming to a close soon here. A lot of people are going to be walking up to be with Jesus soon. My family does have family issues! UGH! I am about to expose those family issues now after what has happened today. Ta.ling to my dad is NOT easy and when I try to, I never feel comfortable talking about my family during the time I am not the happiest person at the moment in time. I am kind of PO’d and unhappy with my family right now. Oh how I want to write a letter to Dr. Phil to help my family, but some family members would be royally pissed and unhappy to air their dirty laundry to a professional psychologist as Dr. Phil is. Anyway, I haven’t watched him on TV for a year now. I got rid of cable over a year ago and now watch tv through tv apps like Netflix, Hulu, and Disney+ these days and nights. Having cable TV ended up over $100 a month and the cost is absolutely ridiculous and insane! I only pay for using the cable company’s internet at $90 a month over having ten of my most favorite TV channels where Dr. Phil was watched every day at 4 PM each night on a specific channel today.

From This Day Forward…

I will, whenever I write in my diary here at My Life in Words, I will NOT be holding back my feelings and thoughts from this day forward after my parents in Milwaukee, Wisconsin now from now on! I am getting sick aNed tired of all the crap I have to contend with when it comes to my family life. I am glad and happy to have a boyfriend I love very much so that I would marry the fellow I love very much. I am done with all the crap that is going on in my family without Dr. Phil‘s help in mind. After TODAY, I am DONE being silent. Why not? This is a diary, right?! Will I be shelling out anything we do not already know? No, I will not be doing that, but I will NOT be silent anymore with my feelings and thoughts anymore, though!!