A female Baltimore Oriole appeared at the jelly feeder yesterday, but there was no jelly for her, the finches having ate it all. So i refilled it on my break. And later, I was standing staring out the window out of boredom when a hummer landed at the feeder two feet away from me. Those birds are such marvels, teeny little things that pack a lot of personality in their little bodies. How would I get through a day without these little bursts of joy?

​My neck is super itchy. Happens every year around this time. Obviously allergy related, but why only my neck and nowhere else is itchy?

I pulled off a tick crawling up my neck last evening. WTF? I was barely outside all day, only to go out with dog to do his business. So I did a thorough head and body check for more. I freaking hate ticks and it is crazy how they stick to your hands when you're trying to flip them into the toilet and flush them somewhere far far away from your neck. Where did it come from to get on my neck??? Ticks freak me out big time. Ever since I was at 4-H camp as a 10yr old and found one in my privates. That's traumatic as a 10-yr old because you can't tell anyone.

I have one employee review today. Not looking forward to it because I have to break the news of the wage freeze. I just 'love' how manager decides this year I can do reviews alone so I get to break the news. I just 'love' how she thinks I'm so stupid that I can't do the math and know I earn the same as those I supervise. F that.

And I'm mad and angry and wallowing over how I'll have to work until I keel over, because my top 10 years of wages amount to nothing and because my former manager kept me at such a low rate of pay for 4 years and was proud of it, lying to me about it and rubbing it in my face later. Even though my new manager actually raised my rate considerably, it is too late to make a difference in SS. I will be working until I die. What kind of life is that? I never ever imagined I would be in a place where I could never retire. I mean really, what's the point of living when you're spending your entire life and old age working so someone else can live the good life?

And I have to tolerate my boomer older siblings living the good life, because the boomers only look out for themselves.

And I wonder, if we can spend a billion a day on a ridiculous war and give a billion dollar slush fund to people who literally defecated in the hallways of the US Capitol, why can't we put a billion dollars a day into the Social Security fund? Why not? Because the boomers and the gangsters only take care of themselves. When it is time for me to collect, the fund will be insolvent. Yup, just keep working to enrich the lives of others.

And don't even get me started on the people on SSI because of treatable mental health illnesses. F that. Everyone is out to take whatever they can get while the few honest ones still working are left support and enrich them.

Yeah, I've been pretty depressed lately, trying to hide it behind my gardening and birding which brings me happiness. But not having enough time to do the happiness things I need because I slave away to enrich other people's lives, not mine.

It's going to take me awhile to come to terms with this realization.

Maybe I need to sit down with a financial person and get a professional's opinion.

Lots of lightning and thunder again last evening. Another inch of rain. But this time I got dog outside at 7:30 before it started because I knew he wouldn't go out later. He was a complete wreck last evening because not only did it storm, but I was vacuuming during the storm. He was tailing me, but also running away, panting crazily, trying to find somewhere to hide but not wanting to be very far from me. The only thing worse would have been if I took out a broom at the same time, his other fear.

It is gloomy and cool and misty again today. Looks like all week will be chilly and gloomy. Very fitting for my mood.