Day 3 of bad sleep. I seem to have some sort of anxious feeling that I'm noticing mostly only at night, when all is quiet. Usually I can calm myself with breathing and brown noise, but last night it wouldn't end. I was awake way past midnight, trying to calm myself. And this morning, I'm aware that I am still experiencing the same. At the same time, I can't seem to catch my breath. Taking deep breaths doesn't help. I feel like my heart is racing, but I just put that heart monitor thingy from the hospital on my finger, and my resting heartrate is below 70, so it is all very much anxiety. And with good reason, of course, given the circumstances in our city and my response to it.

I must find a way to get on the neighborhood alerts. It seems to be all social media based though, of which I don’t participate. But I must do my part.

I continue to think UU is calling me. The UU sermon I listened to last night was about going out to the world. The last three sermons were about how to become a member. 1. Develop a spiritual practice. 2. Go deep 3. Go out. I feel like I have done things in the opposite direction and now I am trying to find my spiritual practice! I have been going out every day for 2 years with the intent to make the world a better place by greeting (seeing) every person I encounter. By picking up the trash daily that litters our world. By listening to the stranger who just needs to talk to someone. By planting flowers and bringing color and beauty while taking care of our pollinators. A new member who spoke during the sermon was a retired gentleman who just joined in 2024. He was raised a Catholic, then became atheist with Buddhist exploration, and then he found UU and says he feels he's been UU for 20 years without knowing it. I feel like that is my journey as well. I was afraid they wouldn't want older people, because they need younger ones to sustain the congregation.So I was happy to see this older gentleman accepted. All are welcome they say each week.

Don't know if honey is coming tonight, we're supposed to have snow tomorrow. We'll see.