Went for a bike ride last evening, and tried to conquer those hills in the park again. I failed badly. It just burns my thighs soooo bad! I had to walk my bike up the hills. And as a result I only got 5.75mi in 45 minutes. 21 gears, and even at the lowest gear, I could not make it up that damn hill. I feel like a failure. I took a different way back and took a ride through the cemetery before heading home.

The thing about legal weed in the state is that now, no matter where I am, I have to smell that skunky smell. On Saturday, reading outside in the backyard, the odor drifted over from somewhere (the apartment bldg??). Go to the grocery store and the stench clings to the smoker's clothing. On a bike ride ride through the park yesterday, I passed a group sharing a joint, and the stink lingered for forever! Out for a walk, and a car will inevitably pass and the smell drifts out of its open window. Large gatherings/festivals, it is everywhere. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only drugfree person in the world. I probably am. What i don’t understand is why they have to smoke it when there are edibles and drinks, at least use those until you can get home and smoke and quit subjecting the rest of us to your dirty stinky paranoia-inducing addiction.

Otherwise...the glads and cannas are coming up, so I finished mulching around them. Cleaned and refilled the bird feeders. Swept up the elm seed mess that came out of the downspout from the rain the other day. Weeded the elm seeds that had sprouted.

Just feeling kind of blah, like the world is passing me by.

I was thinking yesterday about how upset I was when I was in my 40s and even though I had arrived at a sewing machine repair place first and had been waiting longer for someone to come out of the backroom, the sewing machine salesMAN went to the younger, prettier customer first, who had just walked in the door. That was my first experience being an invisible older woman. Now, I kind of appreciate it. I can move through the world invisible to the 40yrs old and younger crowd. Like, I think I could be naked, riding a bike, and no one would see me. Strange how that happens to a woman as she gets older. Sometimes when I am riding my bike, like around the lake where there are lots of people, I feel like a ghost.

I just realized it has been a month since I've seen or talked to the grandkids. I hear nothing from my daughter unless I reach out first. And I'm hesitant to do so, because they are always busy with his family, and I get the leftovers, if there are any leftovers. Hopefully the swans are born soon. I want the grandkids to see them.