Thursday's entry that got lost but magically reappeared this morning:

It snowed yesterday afternoon and into the night. Which wouldn't be remarkable but "they" said we weren't supposed to get any snow at all and we ended up with 6" of the wet heavy stuff. Seems there is nothing we can believe coming from the feds, not even the weather forecast I guess. I mean, even yesterday morning they were saying no snow for us. So depressing to have snow again, especially when we could finally see the ground again after 3 months of nothing but white. I do not like the bland gray and white and brown of winter.

I shoveled snow until I felt a little twinge of pain and then stopped. My neighbor called out that her husband would snowblow the rest, so I dont have to worry about finishing it.

Feeling better today than yesterday, no pain after using the bathroom, so that is good. Yesterday the most cramping came when I sat upright too long, my innards all scrunched up. Still haven't added fiber back into my diet. Kind of pissed that the fruit and vegetables I prepped on Sunday for my lunches this week will likely have to be thrown out as they start to rot. Grrr.

My weight has skyrocketed! I am now up to 147, seven pounds heavier than in the fall, all in my thighs. I don’t recognize my body and it feels gross when I walk and I feel my thighs rub. Seriously! I haven't weighed this much since I went through menopause in my 50s. It is going to be very difficult dropping it, especially when I have to take breaks from exercising when I flare, and I can't eat sunflower seeds, and the older I get, the more difficult it gets to lose weight. I have battled with my poor body image my entire life. Likely because my mom was obese and was constantly dieting and I didn't want to be that way. So instead, I have obsessed about my own weight and track my calories and exercise and get depressed when I still gain weight. I know at 5'7" I am not fat, my weight is at a healthy weight for my height. I just need it to be at 140. That's the weight I am okay with. That is the weight I have maintained for most of my entire adult life. Who am I kidding? I really want to be at 130. But it hollows out my face too much if I get below 140 and my sharp bone structure makes me look scary to children lol.

I'm just in a bad mood today because of the snow.