Rough night. I woke around 12:30am with a nauseated stomach, and then tossed and turned and was too hot and couldn't find any cool spots in the bed. And then gassy and wondering if I was going to have another flare. And so it went for quite awhile. I even considered getting up to read since my mind was going over every worry in the world, but since my book is on the Kindle, I didn't want the light of the screen to wake me further. I eventually fell asleep by shutting down my brain by repeating the word 'nine' over and over. Don't ask me why 9, it used to be D. Just something to take over the racing mind.

My ride heading north after dinner last evening was rough too. 6.8 miles in 1 hr that felt like I was going uphill no matter which direction I went. I had to walk my bike up hills too many times, where I just could not pedal my way up, no matter what gear I was in. That's where pedal assist would be nice. My legs are sore and tired today.

But, on one of my uphill walks I met a young couple who showed me where an owl nest was. And I know which path I do not want to take in the future. And another thing I do not like about biking is it is less personal. You pass people but have less connection to them as you would when walking. But oh! there were so many people out walking, new immigrant families I hadn't seen before walking down my street, babies kicking their chubby little legs from backpack baby carriers, elders, school-age children. I waved or smiled at them. I feel like I need to let them know not all white people are evil. But there is one hispanic family I haven't seen yet, a mother with a son and daughter who I've seen bike the neighborhood the last two years. I am worried they may have been kidnapped.

My neighbor across the street had three other women come to her house with bicycles just as I was leaving. They biked for 2 hours and then when they returned, they had drinks and toasted each other. I looked on from inside the house wondering how these four women met and became friends, their fitness and age levels obviously different but still able to go on a bike ride together. Again, a thing I've never experienced, being included. Excluded from the neighborhood book club despite my volunteering at a library, excluded from the neighborhood babysitting co-op despite their kids playing with my kids, excluded from the monthly neighborhood Saturday morning brunch, participating in meals for those with new babies or deaths in the family, only to be abandoned when it was me losing a parent, not a meal or even an acknowledgement. I know I'm writing this because I'm tired and not feeling well, my walls down which lets the sadness in. I'll get over it. But today the sadness is strong.

Got one rain barrel out and set up last evening since it might rain. The temp was 67F when I woke but is going to fall all day. And the first daffodil bloomed this morning. I know there was something else, but I can't remember.