Yesterday continued to go downhill. We had some thunder come through in the morning which caused dog to follow me endlessly again, even into the bathroom. It wasn't particularly loud thunder, it was just rumblings. The storm had mostly moved through as I prepped my lunches for the week. Dog walked past me, past the door that leads outside, and into the living room. And then I heard water dripping. Dog had lifted his leg on the coffee table and urinated on the hardwood floor. I burst into tears at seeing what he had done, crying loudly as I cleaned it up. Because I've been down this road before with dog at the last house. He didn't feel well one day and went into one of the basement bedrooms and defacated. From then on out, he decided the basement was his convenient toilet even when he wasnt feeling poorly and I was cleaning up at least one mess a week. And now he begins it here at this house, this house that I spent 9 months of Saturdays cleaning and scrubbing and painting to get the human urine and grease smells out before I moved in. That's it. I'm struggling as it is keeping it all together mentally without this added burden.

So. I brought him to the vet this morning, got some stool firming supplements while they do a full fecal to see whats going on. I will get the dog better and then will explore surrender or other options. I can't do this anymore and I will not live with a dog I don’t like that is turning my house into a toilet. Not to mention, the added stress on me can trigger a flare. I really don't want to spend a week in the hospital again. Caused by the stress of a stupid dog.

I called honey after cleaning up the urine, sniffling, looking for some emotional support and instead, he talked only of himself and how he couldn't mow because of the rain. (Never mind he said he was going to mow on SATURDAY and that's why he left early.) But to hear him talk about mowing when I was obviously emotionally distressed and he was not even acknowledging what I was saying was not acceptable. As though his not being able to mow was even comparable to my cleaning up shit and urine for three days in a row (now 4). I burst into tears again, said nevermind, bye, and hung up.

Walked to/from the grocery to pick up more bone broth for dog and returned 40 minutes later to find dog had pulled all the recycling out of the bag and scattered it around the house. His way of showing his displeasure at my leaving him alone. What a swell dog.

What I really wanted to do as I walked home from the grocery was drink myself into oblivion. Smoke cigarettes. The two coping mechanisms I gave up, replaced by walking. But the walking didn't help. So I opened that bag of potato chips I bought for July 4 and ate a bunch instead.

And then I had my own cramping and runs. From the stress? From the greasy potato chips? Have I been triggered???

I heard dog at 1am and let him outside. And I remained awake until at least 3am. I heard him again after that, but I couldn't get up. And so I was left with a poop present again this morning. At least this time he did it on the towel so I could lift it up and carry it outside to hose off. At least it is summer to allow me to do this. I don’t know how I could cope if this had happened in winter when it is below zero.

We're under an extreme heat advisory today and tomorrow (95F, very humid, feels like110F). I can attest that the humidity has been increasing all night, having been outside at 1am.