I'm feeling really off today. I wish every little hiccup in life would not be a major disruption to my living. I guess it started with daughter replying last night, 5 days later, to my text about the event in the park. That was already held on Wed. Saying they could do it another Wed in another park. So I think to myself, was I not clear enough in my original text? The whole point was it being near my house. My plan was she drops the kids off and I feed them and walk them to the park event and she picks them up. I can't do that at another park. I can't explain it further if she doesn't reply to my text. So I just interpret the lack of, and then late, response as a no.
So there's that. But there's also this whole not-losing-weight thing. I just don’t get how inactive people can eat ice cream and desserts and fatty foods regularly and not get any fatter, and if I eat two chocolate chip cookies (or 2 pieces of pizza) my weight immediately jumps up 2 lbs. It makes no sense. Given the bicycling and walking I do. I don’t snack. I eat a ton of fiber and fruit and vegetable. It makes no sense. When I see anyone write about unhealthy food, I just spiral because I can't eat it.
And then there's the whole body letting me down thing. I don’t like waking each morning wondering what is going to hurt for the day. Today it is both wrists, a couple end joints on my hands, both knees, my right forearm and elbow, and my left foot. Did I do something yesterday to trigger all this pain? Nope. My only exercise was walking in the morning. And carrying the watering can in the afternoon, with my left hand so as to not irritate the right arm.
I'm just so sad and uncomfortable right now. And the chances of anything ever getting better looks pretty hopeless. What's the point of it all anyway. When life is full of disappointment and being denied and filled with pain.
It just occurred to me that it has been exactly 1 year since I returned home after being hospitalized with sepsis. My whole life has changed in this past year. And not for the better.
Friendliness is contagious. I think everyone should catch it.
Comments (2)
You are not alone this last week, either? i have had a couple of hiccups, too. I am sorry you are having some family drama. I am finding it to the same in my family, too. We have members of family speaking one another as well, and it !sucks!
As the years creep by... there ARE days when you wonder.... 'Just how weird is this gonna GET?' Hope things improve for you soon. Perhaps giving your body a rest day in between walking or biking would be a strategy. Even muscle builders do rest days.