i'm exhausted and i'm not sure why. i get enough sleep. i'm trying to eat well. lost about 6 lbs, and i'm exercising regularly. had a doc appointment yesterday. went well. my blood pressure was 90/60, a nice change since there are plenty of times they can't even get a reading. 3 week wait to get results back. sooner if there's anything wrong. a definite sign of aging. i have to schedule my first mammogram (the boob smashogram).

a girl has to do what a girl has to do...

i've been slacking on the dental care, so, since i seem to be on a make-an-appointment kick, i'll schedule a much overdue cleaning.

i told the doc something i hadn't told any other doctor because i felt comfortable enough. there's something to be said about finally admitting that crappy stuff that happens to you really IS crappy and that i didn't cause this person's bad behavior. i think i've been holding myself partly responsible for stuff that's happened to me, when in reality, none of it had anything to do with me, i was in the wrong place at the wrong time. maybe this is why i'm so wiped out today. i don't have to be so damned tough, or stick it out to hold up this burden.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want you to know
he's not coming back
look into my eyes
i'm not coming back
so knives out

rh from amnesiac

~~~~~~
crossing lines as grey as sky today i'm sinking in water-filled air, but it feels alright now.
i can appreciate the slight adjustments, the slim difference of each hue. as thin as water, as rich as india ink.
they bleed a little blue all around the edges and i'm beginning to understand why now.