change. like the scenery from a train, sometimes, it's sunny bright, sometimes, it's a downpour. none of this matters and all of it does. no gifts, just time spent saving rose bushes and impatiens from the scorching sun. having long cups of coffee listening to stories, i memorize the crooked little pinky on her left hand, it's the same as mine. green eyes. they started her future rolling which led to all of this. the here and now.
i leave. detached. because if i don't, it'll break my heart. it eventually does anyway. i come back a little older, a little more somber, a little bit dead inside. quiet all around. i carry my bags back to my place, unpack. and settle in all over again. i tuck the joy and the trying times inside real tight. the good and the bad, i'm keeping it all, i'm stingy that way.
adapting. changes. coffee mugs half full. the smell of childhood dinners meandering through the house. dogs running on the shoulder of a busy road. cats staying out 'til 4am. shiatsu and wood personalities. youth grabbing the car keys, blasting korn. i'm sitting here while tons of images swirl around, i'm changing. everything in its right place.