in the news today, using a baseball bat, a pirate bopped a racing italian sausage, who then tripped the giant hotdog, who was trailing behind. both sustained scraped knees and mildly bruised egos. it's understood that the polish sausage hung back to assist the italian sausage. the pirate has been arrested for assault and battery. the bratwurst won the race.

this used to be my dream job...to be a sport's team mascot. the dream started to die when i read a news report that the cookie monster at sesame street was beat up by a disgruntled parent. this dream is officially dead now. i have to draw the line when the damned players start assaulting sausages.

okay, okay. i REALLY have to stop screwing around.