had all this stuff in my head and it's gone! words coming like an avalanche while i'm busy making the morning coffee and listening to songs. i'm pumped and optimistic and i really don't know why. perhaps it was the good night's sleep or maybe the chocolate i had for dinner last night. maybe it's the chance at another day to help things be alright. or remembering funny things said years and years ago. there's nothing more amusing than hearing a cocky know-it-all call Black Flag (Raid).

(*black flag was a punk band. raid is the infamous bug killer)

i've been dreaming about past relationships and it's been in chronological order. i'm reliving funny moments and maybe making peace with myself. maybe it's that i'm beginning to feel like i didn't sell out and find myself in a life that the world thinks women need. i am not a mother. although that could be a good thing. i am not a wife, which only seems to me to be tied down these days. i don't believe in half-baked love, safe with too clear roads ahead. i believe in love that knocks your socks off and let's you be who you are.
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i'm going to get running shoes today. i'm going to get rowing gear. i'm going to do the things i've always wanted to do, the things within my means. i'm going to read another book and play dj on the stereo. i'm going to finally celebrate the quirky weirdo that dances to herself. that girl that never quite fits the mold, and is happy that she can't. i am here and alive and that's all that matters now.