i'm finding it to be true that when you pretend everything is fine, when you flash a beaming smile, you actually DO begin to feel better. the morning runs are alleviating some of the stress. but this morning i didn't go. i sat on the hardwood floor of my livingroom and practiced shiatsu on myself.

there's no sense in trying to "fix" or "dodge" the corporate machine. everywhere you go, there will be slackers, backstabbers, and people that will exploit every ounce of humanity you have until you're left a dried prune. a good friend once told me that he doesn't try to outrun the huge wave of depression... he stands still and lets the wave pass through him. i hope that once i find my way and get to where i should be, i don't take any of this crap with me. i want a fresh clean start. i want to be able to trust people and give them the benefit of the doubt. i want to surround myself with the kind of people that care about animals and the environment, that read books and can appreciate the fine arts. people that are aware of their surroundings and aren't so damned self-absorbed.
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very sad to read that the twins didn't make it.
may those brave women rest in peace.