and somehow it all feels like it's boiling to a countdown. like sitting on a big plastic ball, realizing at the last minute it's really a water filled balloon and you've got an open safety pin in your back pocket. don't know why.

and everyone here is busy trying to sweep time along. get it over the hurdles of finals, get going with summer jobs and vacations. i'm just waiting for the time when i can drink my coffee in peace, without stares that burn holes through me, pushing to open up now!

sitting here waiting for a lull at the gym, and the cleaning staff to come in, see me, and promptly hi-tail it out of here.
~~~~~~~~~~~

feel a little lost or maybe it's just i'm forcing some emotional r&r, high away from even myself. away from urgent lover's hands, forever professing what every other bullshitter does. i replay those scenes just for kicks now, reminders to make sure i know who and what i am not.