another sunday. beautiful and warm. getting up early makes the day seem longer. more time to do chores. more time to think. lay in the middle of the livingroom, the hardwood feels good on my back. flashback to the 57th street playhouse to watch "Stop Making Sense"...

big bags are never looked into. and so snuck in the bottle of wine and we watched the big coat dance feeling a buzz. don't remember how we got home. don't remember much more about that day. don't remember what made us drive over the bridge, just remember sitting there sipping wine in the dark with you.

he wrote "why is it i've always related you to music? I'm sitting here listening to Basia and it's making me think of you, although it has no place like say U2 or Floyd or the Smiths i can relate directly to a time or place."

while he'll never read this, i'll answer anyway, because that sentence has always touched me. you see, i never much said anything. looking back, i have to wonder if we ever even really talked. we were like 2 time-bombs of pure emotion and one careless spark would have done us in for good. i regret that. being so reserved about how i felt. i should have jumped in feet first and hoped for the best.

i was nothing of what i am today. i have to wonder what you loved about that girl way back when. maybe you knew i'd fly someday. you caught a glimpse of it before i even had any trust in it.

is it the nameless feelings music evokes? that hint of something that's life-changing, possibly good? is it the fact that i knew your aloneness all too well?
that deep frustration of being directionless? was it that sung words riding on gorgeous melodies said it all well enough?

earth, sky, sea and rain
is she coming back again...

she's thinking now, "why is it that i'm thinking of you? way up there with fruits of your labor playing with dolls and trucks... a woman nestled next to you each night wearing your ring".

i do not know but perhaps it's the music in which i find past moments spent with you. or maybe words that i'm wondering if you're feeling or living today.

"everything in its right place"

it's all as it should be. it's never been more nor less.