My Thoights Can Go ANYWHERE it Wants Sometimes…..LOL?! Maybe…
A little while, after getting some sleep, FINALLY!, I am awake with Millie on the can tree in one of her favorite spots that is not the hammock and Magic is on the back of the lift chair facing the door and hallway. I have about an hour and a half before Debbie H gets here to get my hair washed and a bath this Monday morning. My mind races back and forth that it’s arguing with me that it is a dialysis day, when I have treatment for three hours on a machine today, and then I dismiss it as a ‘no it’s Monday today and say silently that it’s NOT with my hands in a furious manner and get upset with myself. Mr. Monkey is trying to get his damn banana!!! What the heck, lol!!! I laugh at the idea! See, my thoughts go EVERYWHERE it wants sometimes?! LOL!!! See? Maybe. It can be so darned frustrating at times! If I even tell my dad where my thoughts go rambling about with no nonsense, he always remarks in such a disgusting tone and walks away from me with a comment that is hurtful. If Sandy hears my so called thinking going in a silly remark and she sees and hears dad’s disgust and remark angerly that I I even brought it up, she will defend me and say ‘Oh. Bob, it’s just her mind being silly right now’ and tell me not to say some things out loud because that sounded dumb. What the ‘hell’ this time! I can’t make my dad happy about anything. My brain goes to little moments in time I made my dad proud of me and it ALWAYS goes back to when I was a student at University of Phoenix online and I gave him a weekly report of my scores and grades I received on a project or classroom discussion we were having that week or day. Now, for the last few months, I have only talked to him through texts because his telling me I can call anytime gets his dander up a bit because I call too much! See what I mean that my brain will sometimes go ANYWHERE without any with scruples or is it without scruples?! I don’t really know the answer to that question or don’t understand WHY my brain goes to something silly out loud like that. I know my mind wanders now and again anytime and I still sound silly and dumb once in a while like everyone else, PEOPLE! Get over it!!! UGH! Damn?! Idiots! Now Mom and Lonnie would laugh at my brain wandering from the subject we were talking about at the time. My mom understands me when my dad and his wife Sandy do not know me very well. To me, dad and Sandy are always critical about me with something and bring up my past wrongs and stupid acting thought out loud. Geez! Oh, how I can be so disgusted with myself sometimes! I’m in a family with no sense of human apparently!! Come on PEOPLE! Geez!! What the heck! wTH!