INDESTRUCTIBLE WALLS

North Of Italy, 10:15 PM

Yesterday morning I went to the dermatologist and unfortunately I will have to surgically remove another basal cell carcinoma (also known as basalioma).

It’s the third one I’ve had removed and the fifth time I’ve ended up on an operating table for dermatological reasons.

This has caused a certain irritation 😡 and the feeling that, while most people live, have experiences and evolve, I remain stuck in the same place — with my blocks as high as indestructible walls, my introversion, my solitude, and my recurring health issues that periodically return.

Hospitals are my nightclub, since that’s the only place where I have the chance to meet new people (and sometimes at work).

When I read my old entries, I find that year after year, nothing changes.

I feel more and more like a wandering ghost 👻 who cannot move on, yet at the same time cannot detach from an inhospitable land that is unlivable for them.

Sometimes I would like to stop writing the same things over and over again, but then I realize I would miss it too much.

At least the first surgical consultation has been scheduled for next Wednesday.

P.S. My mother also has to remove a couple of unwanted skin “guests”: a mole behind her right shoulder with an irregular shape and a presumed keratosis that has become inflamed.

P.S. 2 Sometimes it feels as if medical appointments dictate my life — and when they aren’t there, I almost miss them.