Hi, gorgeous.

I was really hoping peak would help distract me for a little while. It is not, and honestly I'm feeling your absence more than before. I know we didn't get to spend much time together during the holiday season because of work, but the brief moments we would get kept me going. I loved coming home to you, and your affection during this time of year where I have to be gone for 12-15 hours a day for work were especially meaningful.

I keep finding myself reminded of you in subtle ways. We did a small family trip to the festival of lights and the little carnival at the end of it last night. Going up in the Ferris Wheel I glanced out and saw the swings; it was a much smaller set, but we'd always make sure to stop by them whenever we went to Busch Gardens together. If nothing else we always made sure to hit those together for you. I managed to keep it together until after bed time, but I keep finding little things like this that keep crushing me.

I went over to our friend's house on the one month anniversary of losing you. I don't think I could have dealt with that by myself. We watched Barbie and spent a lot of the time laughing, remembering some of the parts we used to enjoy with you, the memes shared, your reactions when we saw it in the theater. The end of the movie got a bit rough; I'm struggling to figure out who Ken is without Goblin Barbie. I'll keep working on it, though. I feel like you'd want me to.

Last update for now: I got a tattoo! It's the first time something has felt important enough. It's a memorial piece for you, Merlin, Morgan, and the life we had together. I put the aurum blade lantern symbol into the design as well. It was your faction at Stormflux (and I always enjoyed playing around with their rules), but it was also my favorite of our love stories we ended that game with. Danny and Flash will always have a special place in my heart, but the story with Taika and the Blade was something really special to me. In my mind they will always live in a small cottage in the middle of a dark forest, with legends of the witch and her red-furred guardian werewolf whispered in hushed tones in the nearby towns.

You're my forever, Madelaine. I miss you so much. I love you. I hope Merlin and Morgan are behaving.