Many women in abusive relationships have found taht when they left their husbands and filed for divorce, their spouses made extraordianary attempts to persuade them to return. It is not unusual for a woman to be besieged by phone calls, letters, unwanted gifts, and unwanted visits from her husband. He may claim he loves her and cant live without her, and will do anything she wants if only she will come back. Some men even threaten to commit suicide, although only a very few actually do kill themselves.
It has been suggested that men become violent because of their dependency needs and their desire to be "masculine and dominant"
Some characteristics of abusive men..
1. They have high control needs. They often say " I would never let my wife, girlfriend or child so that" They sometimes have trouble accepting authority
2. They may act extremely competent or extremely incompetent. They may be the type who appears to be in charge of everything or who fels sorry for themselves. Some never keep a steady job for any length of time. They confuse people.
3. They have trouble expressing or identifying feelings. They are very sensitive people and are easily offended. All of their feelings are converted into anger.
4. They externalize the causes for their actions. They blame others, circumstances, etc. They do not accept responsibility for their actions.
5. They do a lot of denying,minimizing, or outright lying. They do this to shift blame or to get out of tight spots.