Many people have asked me if I feel betrayed or violated.
I took that risk writing a diary on a public internet site. I guess I just thought he wouldnt find it.
I love Dear Diary and the freedom I could write with here. But now that will have to change for me.
Im a writer, not the best mind you, but I have been keeping journals since Junior High. So I cannot see myself stopping.
I felt uneasy keeping a pen and ink diary during my marriage when things went bad. Because when you are going thru hurt and pain. You dont want the other person to see everything you feel. It was private and my way of expressing it all. Im quiet by nature and dont like to feel like a burden to others. I usually just have a friend or 2 in real life I confide in. Im a peacemaker, I dont like to see people hurt, and I dont really cuss much at all in real life.
My H says my diary is BIASED. Of course it is, its MY diary. I write for ME. I dont think he can understand really. Those who keep diaries may understand. Its about expressing emotions, feeling of the moment, they could change in an hour. Its a safe place to let loose so as not to upset others. But now the "other" has seen and is hurt.
I dont believe things happen by chance, there was a reason he found it, What it is right now Im not sure.
But I would be lying if I didnt say if I found he kept a diary that I wouldnt read it, I would read it, I admit that. So I cant fault him so much for that.
He feels portrayed as a monster in my diary. I never called him this, this is how he felt reading it. I didnt write untruths about him. So I really cant say much to that.
Anyways, just letting all my readers know, My H reads my diary now.