Well Im feeling a lil sad at the moment. Just sad about this whole Dear Diary thing and how its changed.
And I guess I just have a lot of thoughts about it going thru my head, since I have opened up and shared with a few about having a online diary and my H finding it.
A few people I told had asked me why I would put something on without making it private or password protected. Granted they dont understand this whole website deal.
I used to write just for me. Nobody else ever saw. I never shared it. It was MINE. I have about 4 different journals, nobody that im aware of has read my real pen and ink ones.
And my early teenage year ones I dont think I would care.
I think back to high school and my creative writing class. We had a journal. Started out each class with the teacher giving us a word on the board, and we were not allowed to stop writing whatever came to our mind until she told us to stop.
THEN she would call a few of us randomly up to the front of the class to read it.
It wasnt like a full on diary type thing, but she wanted to write what came to our minds, and some were embarrassed at times reading.
It was really cool, the class wasnt a large one, it was an elective, so people that wanted to write were in there. But you had a mixture of a few popular guys, a few of the "nerds" the goth chicks, and a jock or so. It was really interesting because we all became close, Hearing one anothers writing, it was more intimate.
The teacher made a book at the end of the year combining pieces of our writings for all of us to keep. It was really special.
Why did I start sharing my diary. Well actually I think back, and it was during counseling with the H. I was also talking to another guy online at the time I had a internet crush on. He was in recovery groups and we were talking about feelings and sharing things, about speaking in a group,writing out our thoughts.
Then the counselor had the H and I make a list of things. Nice things to do for one another. I was working on it and Ink would pop online. We always just said Hello, kinda "How you doing" chit chat and then would just trail off into our own thing. So Im not sure why we both started sharing our writing and at what point he did also. I didnt tell him it was from a internet diary or anything. I just cut and pasted some things via email to him.
When I was at his place one day he showed me his real journals, and read some things to me. I was really touched and felt that he trusted me to do such a thing. Wow he was reading this to me???
So we started this exchange.
I didnt tell him about my diary right away. That came a little later.
Is it healthy to share you diary with others?
I guess this is what is in my mind now. Cause i find that I miss writing and people being able to read it. It became my new sort of therapy. It was still journaling, but now I had feedback, feedback from anonymous people, and feedback from the one man i trusted to read my thoughts. Who I knew was just as open and vulnerable to me as I was him. So I didnt worry with him.
I dunno, just letting some thoughts flow out here, gonna quit for now