The mind gets weak.
The mind gets overwhelmed.
The mind gets so full.
Laying down my head with hands over my face behind my desk.
Is my only way out, the way of cutting ties?
Oh life shouldnt be that hard!
You need to be happy with yourself!
Screw that!
So all the sayings go.
When will it all end, or will it?
Isnt it so with anyone else?
What is the key Im missing or lacking?
You can desire, hope and love with all your heart for something.
But is the thing you desire something in your own mind but now what is before you?
I do not know how to put it all down.
Im exhausted and drained. Some days wondering what the meaning of my life is.
I stare at the possessions in my house some days and they all just seem like nothing. Im bothered at seeing them.
Life revolves so much around Love and relationships.
What is it like to be at peace in this area? To have content once again?
I just feel as if life is this never ending repitition.
We are all screwed up and dysfunctional in all our own ways.
My mind wants to embrace love, feel the goodness and the warmth.
It puts itself into its own storybook land.
And yes it can feel that way for a time.
Then REALITY.
How much is too much to tolerate to put up with? Is there such a thing as a limit God?
I hate drudging around in reptition. I want out, but I do not know the way out is my dilemma.
I can hate so much, yet at the same time long for so much.
I want change, I want tools, I seek them
Then its the whole, the more you learn, the less you know.
So where does it all end?
I can stop blaming and put all things down and aside. But inside I will die, as I have done for years prior only resulting in my fall.
Trying to make the best of a situation? Does one have to loose themself to do it? Deny who and what they are?