Basis of Operation: FEAR
You know how do you ever know?
How does one ever know when things are ok?
Nobody can ever really be ok it seems right?
So in order to love and be with someone one has to accept this yes?
I dont know how to accept it.
I made poor choices and decisions in my past. I wasnt strong enough to stand up for myself or do things differently.
H said tonite to me
"I didnt put a gun to your head, all I hear is blame blame blame"
I get so confused in all the words and the talk, I dont know what is going on anymore.
I get confused? Am I the abuser? Am I the one with the problems?
I told him tonight I wont go to counseling with the pastor. I will go to my own counseling. No more couples counseling. I wont put myself thru it anymore.
I just lay here and cry. Each time he leaves I feel anger the following day. When he is here I dont act this way. Why do I change?
I dont like how I become. I become angry and click the phone reciever and throw it at the couch.
I dont know what Im doing