You ever have nights where you are all emotional upset and feel like its the end of the world or something?
Then you wake up in the AM and wonder what on earth was with you?
Not that things are all better, but my outlook is better today.
Its never really a good thing for me to ponder over such things late at night.
I got to work and informed of new stuff boss will have for me to do! Lotsa stuff, computer guy smiled at me and said "More Work" we laugh about it, how work is picking up. I have more to do and am bringing in money now so it feels like Im actually a benefit!
Doc Hollywood came in today. The guy I get weirded out about at times cause he invades my personal space.
We had a good long talk actually. We got talking about recovery and therapy and AA programs n such. He is in AA, and he shared with me a lot of cool stuff. It was actually very nice.
Talked to me saying "When you know your own worth S, then you will not tolerate other things in your life or relationships, if you feel like shit, then you will attract shit" which I agree with the statement. "S when you see you deserve better, you will attract better"
Ahhh yes.
It was a good talk, we touched on alcholism a little also. I have wondered about the H. I am not around him. And I remember sitting in a group and them going over blacking out. That Blacking out is not a positive sign, normal drinkers who can control it dont black out. And my H did this after we split up. And at Thanksgiving he bought alcohol for both days for dinner. I didnt even open one of the bottles told him I didnt want it.
He has told me he drinks a beer now and then and he likes it.
But Doc said "A person who has a pattern of showing you that they cant say No, and then blacking out, doesnt just stop drinking unless they get some help"
H tells me the blackout made him not want to drink like that anymore.
Its like what does one believe. Doc recommended I read a chapter in the BIG BOOK. I dont have one. I havent been to Al Anon for awhile.
I have so much to juggle and there are so many groups. I cant do it all!
Well gonna scoot for now.
Later