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Do you know that there are many things I do hate? Well, one of the things I hate is that I am still wide awake after midnight am in the morning! Why? My brain does not how to relax and stop overthinking about things. It is annoying and I know I am not the only person in this world who can stay up all night for no particular reason. I hate nights like this, but what can I do when it happens? Nothing! I just allow my nights to be like this no matter what I have going on in my day when my caregivers get here in the morning. For this coming morning,, on this fine Tuesday,, I have dialysis because the clinic will Be closed on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Years Day. I had to go to dialysis on Sunday, November 24th. The doctors and nurses—-the staff say they want all their patients to have 3 treatments a week to have effective blood cleanings of toxins and fluid tension. With blood toxins and fluid tension, the patient can and will have difficulty breathing, be out out of breath and winded, and be extremely tire. With my first kidney disease experience as a teenager, I had the mentioned noted sympToms in my own lifetime, and at that time walking out of my pediatrician’s office that fine October morning to be taken to University Hospital and Clinics in Madison because my illness could not wait any longer, the thought that I was perfectly fine a few minutes earlier as my lega walked into the climic with my stepmother and 10 month old sister with me and dad arriving to the doctor’s office while my pediatrician was starting to tell us what was going on with me. Seeing my dad walk in with his police uniform on, I was doing my best at holding back the tears that were coming from my eyes and in doing so, my throat was becoming scratchy and sore. After the doctor was done with his speech about my illness, my dad, my stepmom Sandy holding my sister, walked out of the doctor’s office, and as soon as my left foot was out of the office, the welled up tears in my eyes flowed down my cheeks and my scratchy and sore throat began to go away as I looked back at the doctor who was busy gathering his paperwork on his desk after saying, ‘good luck.’, and I found that not the right time to hear those words. I looked at my dad, scared, angry, and finally crying, and remembering stopping for a moment or more while dad grabbed me to hug me while I almost screamed at the doctor for being so cold hearted at that moment saying, ‘good luck,’ to us as we walked out the door. At that moment, I walked down a path to a 31 year journey with a kidney transplant thanks to my 45 year old mother at that time, 5 months later. It was one journey that I still remember after 36 years! During the summer of 1988 I wrote about my journey, and since lost my story in transit during my move to Garden Court four years ago. I have decided to rewrite my journey and have been working on it for a while now when I have time. From this day forward, I. Will be working on my 31 year journey and the holidays of 2024 ie a great time to begin. My life is not boring nor do I find myself bored too often these days at my age because I do not mind sticking close to home with my electronic gadgets at my ready to write my thoughts of the moment down in a journal. I can drop what I am doing except giving my attention to my fur babies and eating a meal, I can do what I love to do—-write.
Growing up as a child in a normal family with dealing with being handicapped and illness that can be cured by surgery, but have to be cautious with an organ that can reject or leave my body at anytime for another medical reason because my mother’s kidney is considered a foreigner in my body. Onward to medicine to trick the foreign organ from wanting to live was one thing some family members were worried about. I have heard many times that my family did not have faith in me keeping my kidney function for a long time, but during the 31 years, I proved my family wrong. After 26 years, my mom told me that i did great with my transplanted kidney and I need to continue my journey with my kidney as my nephrologist tells me, and I have dome that from 2019 to the prevent. My kidney transplant has lasted 31 years before going through the past 5 1/2 years of hemodialysis, and now being evaluated to go on the kidney transplant list for a second transplant 36 years later. I do have to admit that I feel a little pressured and pushed into the process of all the evaluation tests and appointments to be put on the kidney transplant list. I feel that my caregiver Jackie wants it more than I do because sometimes I find her pushing appointments onto me than allowing me to do it when I am ready myself. I am getting frustrated, and at the same time, I am dealing with the brokenness of my family along with my anxieties, panic disorder, and daye of depression from time to time. Some days are rougher than others while i have some real good days.
More later…