Pragmatist
Pragmatist

Wedding
Sun May 29 2005

The wedding on Friday went off without a hitch. In fact it started on time, which is way unusual. From noon to 12:30, the bride's (Kallah) friends gathered around her with the usual blessings for a long and happy marriage. Since this is a second marriage for both of them and they both have grown children, we didn't bother with the wishes for children part.

The bride has a complexion that really doesn't need any enhancement, but she did add a little color to her lips, and she got her nails done! French tip manicure. Her white dress was elegant, not a lot of froth and lace, suitable to her figure (trim) and style.

While the women were visiting with the bride, the men were gathered in another part of the complex, doing whatever the men do. The groom (Chatan) gave a Chassidic discourse on marriage, the meaning and sanctity thereof. I wish I could have heard it, but men and women are separate during this time. In fact, the bride and groom have been separated from each other during the previous week. When he comes to escort her to the Chuppah, it will be first time they've seen for the past week. The bride is usually escorted to the chuppah by her parents, after the groom has taken his place under the chuppah.

Within a couple minutes of 12:30, the groom and his entourage came to get the bride. The couple had a few quiet words with each other, and the groom then brought the bride's veil over her face (badecken) and she was led her out to the chuppah (wedding canopy) by her attendants. The groom puts on a white garment (kittel) over his regular clothes after he reaches the chuppah.

A Jewish wedding is quite different from other weddings. There are no vows exchanged, but the groom gives the bride a Ketubah, a document that lists his obligations to her in life and after life, and her obligation to love and care for him. But before this happens, the bride and her attendants circle the groom seven times. There's a reason for this, and if you want the details, let me know. It takes awhile to explain.

Then the Ketubah is witnessed and signed by two observant men (the father if there is one and another man), in this case a neighboring rabbi and someone else I couldn't see and couldn't hear his name. Then there are seven blessings given by the rabbi and other men attending the groom, and the groom drinks from the wine cup and offers it to his bride.

Double ring ceremonies aren't the norm, but they are becoming more common. So bride and groom exchanged rings, the wine glass was crushed under the groom's foot, and everybody yelled MAZEL TOV!!!

Then the couple go off for a private time, and the guests begin to circle the food tables. When the new couple returns to the party, the bride has removed her veil and covered her hair with a hat. Many Orthodox observant women continue to cover their hair after marriage. They may go bareheaded in the home, but not if there are men present. And the *very* orthodox woman won't even stick her head out the front door without at least a scarf covering her head. However, many women wear very natural looking wigs. But the natural hair is covered.

The party went on with much singing and dancing, men and women separately, but at one point they are individually hoisted on chairs and bounced up and down a few times. Takes strong men to do this!!

Finally the wedding cake was cut. Delicious!

It's customary for guests to stay until after the bride and groom leave, but people did leave before.

The family returned later in the evening for Maariv (the prayers said after sunset), and had the evening meal.

There's a lot I left out here. My "Jewish woman's bible" devoted 17 pages to the preparations, the day, and the afterward. Eleven of those pages were for the wedding day alone.

All together it was a beautiful event.

I hope to be attending another one soon.

Shalom

10 Comments
  • From:
    Causingchaos (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    I don't think I'd take the ballsy too personally. It's how guys communicate with guys. Balls like watermelons etc. He's communicating with you as he would communicate with one of the guys. I have some pretty large nuts if you ask some of my males friends. It woudl sound really dumb for them to yell across the street another guy, "This chick has tits like watermelons." Ok so I do but that sounds sexual and not tough. lol
  • From:
    MissTick (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    Ahem...I've looked up this whole "sassy" thing (because I liked how it sounds) and I think that yes - you are sassy, if its means the third definition in Miriam-Webster:
    Main Entry: sassy
    Pronunciation: 'sa-sE
    Function: adjective
    Inflected Form(s): sass?i?er; -est
    Etymology: alteration of saucy
    1 : IMPUDENT, SAUCY
    2 : VIGOROUS, LIVELY
    3 : distinctively smart and stylish
    :-p ;-)

    fantastic insight into Jewish wedding - thank you!
  • From:
    Causingchaos (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    I keep threatening to get mine reduced. You should see the look of horror on my man friends faces. I told them that if they carried around two jugs of water on their chest everyday they'd understand what a pain it is. Like all the food you eat falls there not somewhere easily concealable.

    Take it as a term of endearment from your boy and remember too that people don't how to react to people that have survived anything. He's trying his best. lol
  • From:
    Allimom (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    I don't know why, I've just never liked Basset Hounds. It isn't really just Basset's, I don't care for many of the hound breeds. They all have reputations for being aggressive barkers and woo-wooers.

    What we are primarily looking for now is something small enough that I can give it a bath in the utility sink out in the garage. I've had enough of wrestling larger dogs into and out of the bath tub!

    Both Hubby and I like the retrievers, but we are going much smaller with the next dog. We are currently looking at Pugs, Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Cairns and Norwich's.
    Alli
  • From:
    ImNotLisa (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    The wedding sounds like it was lovely. :o)

    There are so many comments I could make about the 'ballsy' adjective bestowed on you but I won't. I can think of three different reasons for it and none of them are quick to type out. ;o) Suffice to say you've now got permission to speak your mind to your son without worrying about how he feels about it.

    RYN: The emoticons - I love them! I find most of them at this site: http://www.mazeguy.net/new.html , save them to my hard drive and then upload them to my account at http://photobucket.com. They provide the HTML code you need to use the photos (you want the one that says "tag"). Copy and paste it into your post where you want one to show up. That's it, quickly, but let me know if I wasn't clear. :o) Knowing me, I probably wasn't.
  • From:
    Sezrah (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    i'm curious as to your sons reaction to all the flood of birthday cards he received from all over the globe btw

    as for being a strong woman, from one strong woman to another, i would have to commend you for not allowing yourself to be a doormat and for sticking up for yourself, especially in a time when it probably wasn't as common as it is today. thanks to women like you, women like myself have the freedom to express our strength anyway we want to. bravo!

    sez
  • From:
    Dustbunny3 (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    OH Boy Houdy!! Such a great posting.
    There are times a wise one will just LISTEN and enjoy .
    Fried Green Tomato,s Strong and Sassy.
  • From:
    CovertOps (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    Dear Chaya,

    Thank you for sharing your experience and teaching us goyyims about your rich and wonderful culture and heritage! I am truly fascinated reading your entry. I will have to Google some pictures of a Jewish wedding to satisfy my curiosity now.

    As for what your son says about you -- you are so right! Why is it that courage and strength are seen as exclusively male qualities, when women have them in such patent abundance? It's worse if you are an Asian woman. If you are strong, outspoken, brave, opinonated and feisty, they say that you should have been born male. As though women are not entitled to courage, strength and independence.

    Let's all emasculate men by being bolder, braver and tougher than they are!

    Love,
    E.L.
  • From:
    Dreamerbooks2003 (Legacy)
    On:
    Mon May 30 2005
    Beautiful description of the wedding. I would love to know the meaning behind the circling of the bride 7 times.

    As to the WHY?? Some men I think are insecure in themselves to the point they can't even tolerate a strong women. A woman who can manage without a man.. ? Oh not possible.
    We that do.. (not of choice/ or of our choosing) frighten their hold on life.. somehow.
    Did society do it..? Did we do it? It is sad.

    ;/ be happy anyway!
  • From:
    Fairywishes (Legacy)
    On:
    Tue May 31 2005
    thank you for your wonderful description of the wedding. I would love to experience a Jewish wedding for myself. I have attended an Indian wedding at that was amazing and I guess when i think about it, although it is natural to me, my own wedding, a complete Catholic nuptial wedding was pretty ritualistic. Wouldn't it be great to travel around from wedding to wedding, experiencing different cultures.

    As for the 'ballsy old broad' comment, good for you! I bet you'd rather be that than 'sweet, dear old little xxx', wouldn't you? come on! ;-)
    it makes me mad though that women like you (& me) if we have an opinion are almost labelled as 'difficult'. Yay to the sassy woman, that's what I say, and remember the Suffragettes who fought for us years ago
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